Cliche Or Not Critiques

Holding Onto Slipping Sand

Title: Holding Onto Slipping Sand

Author: @GoldenSun_SilverStar

So as I was reading this story, I had a nagging feeling that this was all familiar. The characters and the plot were exactly like something I've seen somewhere else. And it turns out, I have! A couple of months ago, I did a critique of this book, but a lot has changed since that time.

First Impressions: To be completely honest, the cover looks like every other teen fiction cover. When I read Holding On To Slipping Sand, I didn't think you meant literally.

Hook: The title is pretty cool, and corresponds with the blurb, like something is holding a secret in their hands, but it's slipping out like sand. But yeah, the cover looks pretty typical. And what's up with that blurb? First off, "When Cassie and her friends are shipped off to boarding school 4 years ago, in the 7th grade, their secrets from the past follow them." Makes no sense. You start the sentence with "When Cassie and her friends are shipped off to boarding school" so it sounds like its in the present, but then you said that it was four years ago? You should instead say something like "When Cassie and her friends were shipped off to boarding school four years ago in 7th grade, their secrets followed them" now it's all in the same tense.

The rest of the blurb is a little awkward and confusing too, it just needs a bit more polishing up. You can find help with that at the IYW club. Or you can go to the Teen Fiction club and participate in one of those games where you have to rate the person's above blurb, if those are still a thing.

So the prologue starts with what I assume the protagonist talking to the audience, which I personally despise, but I'll put away my bias for this. So there's all these metaphors and similes about depression, amazing imagery and description. But it is so repetitive.

Hook Rating: Revise the blurb and cut down the prologue

Plot: So basically there's this girl Cassie, who has an older brother named Bryce. Bryce is a hockey player at the prestigious academy they go to (and I kept imagining the school as Ouran Highschool) and is very protective of his sister. Also there's these two other guys that are his friends.

Also Cassie has two friends, one is single, and the other one is dating someone.

So I'm guessing there's either going to be a love triangle or one of the guys is going to end up with Cassie, and the other with Peyton.

Also, what is the plot so far? The only real kind of conflict is Cassie's nightmares, but there's no villain so far as I can tell.

Plot Rating: kind of predictable

Language: I can understand what you're trying to say!!

Language Rating: You get an L for literate

Characters:

Cassie: she's kind of the typical teenager. Pretty outgoing, fiesty and thinks she's misunderstood. She likes drawing, as has these recurring nightmares. Aside from the nightmares, she just kind of seems like your normal mc.

Finn: nice guy character, will probably develop a crush on either Cassie or Peyton.

Grant: the "player" character, will also probably start crushing on Cassie

Bryson: Cassie's brother, but he acts like her dad. I mean geez, I get it. You're protective of your little sister, but come on, you don't own her!

Maddy: she has a bf and that's about all

Hunter: token gay character

Peyton: your typical best friend character. Outgoing and likes guys, very energetic and us friends with Cassie.

Chase: Maddy's boyfriend

How Cliche your story is: 8. Sorry, but the characters are all cliche, and there doesn't seem to be any unique plot or storyline going on, except for the mothers murder.

How well you dealt with the cliches: 3. It wasn't completely terrible, but I've seen the characters before.

Overall Grade: C for cliche. I'm not saying it was bad, no the writing was enjoyable and there weren't many grammar mistakes. But still cliche