Cliche Or Not Critiques

Kingdoms

First Impression: Wow OK, um the cover looks like an RPG Adventure and the title sounds like it too. Am I sure I'm reading a book and not a game?

Hook: Aside from the working title and cover, it starts off pretty okay. IMO the pictures of the characters aren't really necessary if you describe them well enough, but whatever. So there's quite a few grammar mistakes, but I continued on. I ended up reading like 6 chapters or so including the prologue because the chapters are über short, and the story and characters are, well...

Plot: So basically it's your typical arranged marriage story. Well, not really. So there's these two kings, Gallery and Cleverbot (sorry, I have horrible name memory and can't remember their actual names). And their countries were (or still) at war with each other. The people  hate each other and have grudges, but the kings are tired of this nonsense. So they get together and write up a treaty. The treaty, of course, requires for Gallery's youngest daughter and Cleverbot's son to get married. Gallery is pretty torn up about it, but his daughter, Mila, is like "whatever it was bound to happen anyway". While over at Cleverbot's kingdom it's like the opposite, with the groom to be, Eric, throwing a hissy fit. 

So then Mila gets escorted by a dashing young man named Kline (I'm pretty sure he's going to fall in love with Mila) and a bunch of others characters that are way too friendly. Like she's the princess of the kingdom that's caused them so much grief. Shouldn't at least some of them have grudges or a deep-rooted dislike for her, no matter how 'different' she is?

Language: Okay, aside from the grammar mistakes that are scattered through the chapters, it's pretty legible.  The characters' dialect is a little strange, because they talk pretty old-fashioned, but then they say stuff like "yep" or "okay".

But there's one huge problem. I'm going to assume that this is your very first draft, because there are only the bones here! You've set up the very basics of the plot and world, but that's it. So there are these two kingdoms that have been at war with each other for a long time. We know this because you've explicitly told us. No! Don't straight up tell us these two kingdoms hate each other, show it.  For example, like I've mentioned before, not all of Mila's escorts are bound to love her. Also, she suggests disguising herself, which is a good idea if you have shown Cleverbot's kingdom having any problem with her before. If they're travelling even on semi-public roads, aren't they going to jeer at her? 

Also, you have another interesting idea with the culture clash. In Mila's kingdom, they're more like our modern world, with people marrying mostly for love and equality with the genders. While over at Eric's kingdom, it's more old fashioned, like most medieval kingdoms. This is bound to cause problems and confusion. In one scene, Mila is telling Kline and Timothy about how her kingdom is perpetually better. Shouldn't any of them be a bit more surprised and confused? 

All in all, you have a good base, but you REALLY need to elaborate more.

Characters: Mila: Very regal-like and mature. A perfect princess. I admit, I like her, but I don't see what's so special about her. Everyone is tripping over their feet, fawning over her like she's some ethereal goddess. I just see her as a product of her circumstances and times. Just another royal. Why is everyone falling in love with her? Shouldn't they have seen many princesses like her before? Sure, her personality isn't as common, but it's not super rare either. She showed tiny glances at having a complex personality, but you really need to develop her more. 

Eric: Don't know much about him, but I'm going to be honest. He seems like the stereotypical bishie prince. Really, this whole story reminds me of an anime, just the way the characters are and the story is told. But anyways, based on Kline's description, it seems like he's your regular "seems cold but actually has a good heart, strong, loyal and overall a pretty good person if you get to know him" prince. Maybe he has more depth to him than that, but I don't really know. Haven't seen a lot of him yet.

King Cleverbot: Eh, not much to say about him. He's a kind king I guess?

King Gallery: See above.

Kline: The whole time I was reading about him, all I could think of was the many anime characters he reminded me of. Your standard strong, kind of clever, "I'll protect you type" Betting he's going to develop some degree of romantic feelings for Mila.

Timothy:  Cute, I guess. I really like him for some reason, lol idk why.

How Cliche Your Story Is: Alright, I gotta say, so far, like an 8. Sorry, but it just really seems like Akagami no Shirayukihime combined with an arranged marriage story. You had something going with the implied animosity between the kingdoms, but nothing has been developed yet.

How Well You Dealt With The Cliches:  2. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because of what you had going with the political unrest. But again, you only have the barest bones of your story. 

Overall Grade: C-. it just didn't feel like a completed or well thought out story, but more like a first draft. The plot itself, while cliche, can be taken into many unique directions, and the ideas   you had were interesting, but undeveloped. The story wasn't bad, the plot wasn't boring and your characters weren't unlikable. Heck, I read 6 chapters! But that's the thing. The plot and characters aren't unlikable because they barely exist. Maybe after you revise and complete your story, you can stop by here again, but until then, my opinion still stands.

Hey, sorry it took forever to get this published. As those of you who are students might know, it's final exams season. I've been really busy with that, not to mention the school year rolling to an end, and all the stuff you have to get done before then. I promise I'll start doing a whole lot more of these around mid June and the summer months. Until then, thank you for your patience.