flaws

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Where could I start,  

If I were to list my flaws

And insecurities.

The voices that break me

And shatter me

Like glass.

"Too shy"

I was once with my friend

On the school bus

And we ended up sharing a cosy three-seater

With another boy.

I didn't know him particularly

But I'd seen him around for the past few years

And I knew his name

Was Daniel. 

"Too quiet"

He took a late class with me but other than that,

Our paths had never found the reason to cross.

My friend was telling him something and included me in the conversation.

And Daniel,  

When the situation occurred,

Didn't know my name

He didn't know we lived in the same village even.

And the thought consumed me:

That no one bothers to remember me.

But then,  

Why would they?

I know

I am ugly. 

A no-face even,

Someone you just can't remember.

"Sorry, what's your name again?"

The jaw is the wrong angle, nose too big, ears stick out, teeth are large, sore lips, sore hands, poor posture, fluffy hair... 

My chin is the worse.

Blends into my neck

And I'm ugly.

Sometimes,

Even though it is vain,  

I cry. 

I've been bullied. 

"Why is your chin like that?"

Not often but it occurs

All the same.

I'm only socially awkward because I am ugly

Because society constantly pushes me down

And calls me names.

Sometimes at night,  

When I ponder over things,

I'd like to imagine what life would be like if I was desirable.

And people wanted to talk to me.

Or sometimes I like to imagine a world where everyone was blind

And made equal in appearance.

It wouldn't matter anymore:

How long the make up regime lasts

or how much money you spend on new clothes. 

It wouldn't matter at all.

And I've come to realise

That they shouldn't matter

Because we're here for a short time

And people who base their friends on looks

Are horrible people.

And most certainly,

Not worth anyone's attention. 

As for love,

It's mysterious.

But hopefully I will find someone who doesn't judge me

And doesn't mind

I'm not pretty.

But will love me all the same.

Because Love is greater

Than appearance.

I will always think about  

Being braver if

I was prettier

But that's never going to change

So I'm going to

Carry on.

If I pretend I'm pretty,

Hopefully I will exude enough confidence

For people to send me

Warm smiles and

Kind words.

Because in the end,

Appearance is just 

An illusion.

a/n: just to let you know, this is very personal to me but I thought I should just write is all out for Kimberly_Lynn's proposition. So, I can relate to anyone who ever feels insecure.

And it will get better.

There are good, kind people out there who will be friends with you, even if your self-confidence is low. 

I love my friends and they have managed to look past my exterior and accept me for who I am.  

I'm sorry this isn't very poetic, but it's real and I hope you will appreciate the message I wanted to portray.

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