Where could I start,
If I were to list my flaws
And insecurities.
The voices that break me
And shatter me
Like glass.
"Too shy"
I was once with my friend
On the school bus
And we ended up sharing a cosy three-seater
With another boy.
I didn't know him particularly
But I'd seen him around for the past few years
And I knew his name
Was Daniel.
"Too quiet"
He took a late class with me but other than that,
Our paths had never found the reason to cross.
My friend was telling him something and included me in the conversation.
And Daniel,
When the situation occurred,
Didn't know my name
He didn't know we lived in the same village even.
And the thought consumed me:
That no one bothers to remember me.
But then,
Why would they?
I know
I am ugly.
A no-face even,
Someone you just can't remember.
"Sorry, what's your name again?"
The jaw is the wrong angle, nose too big, ears stick out, teeth are large, sore lips, sore hands, poor posture, fluffy hair...
My chin is the worse.
Blends into my neck
And I'm ugly.
Sometimes,
Even though it is vain,
I cry.
I've been bullied.
"Why is your chin like that?"
Not often but it occurs
All the same.
I'm only socially awkward because I am ugly
Because society constantly pushes me down
And calls me names.
Sometimes at night,
When I ponder over things,
I'd like to imagine what life would be like if I was desirable.
And people wanted to talk to me.
Or sometimes I like to imagine a world where everyone was blind
And made equal in appearance.
It wouldn't matter anymore:
How long the make up regime lasts
or how much money you spend on new clothes.
It wouldn't matter at all.
And I've come to realise
That they shouldn't matter
Because we're here for a short time
And people who base their friends on looks
Are horrible people.
And most certainly,
Not worth anyone's attention.
As for love,
It's mysterious.
But hopefully I will find someone who doesn't judge me
And doesn't mind
I'm not pretty.
But will love me all the same.
Because Love is greater
Than appearance.
I will always think about
Being braver if
I was prettier
But that's never going to change
So I'm going to
Carry on.
If I pretend I'm pretty,
Hopefully I will exude enough confidence
For people to send me
Warm smiles and
Kind words.
Because in the end,
Appearance is just
An illusion.
a/n: just to let you know, this is very personal to me but I thought I should just write is all out for Kimberly_Lynn's proposition. So, I can relate to anyone who ever feels insecure.
And it will get better.
There are good, kind people out there who will be friends with you, even if your self-confidence is low.
I love my friends and they have managed to look past my exterior and accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry this isn't very poetic, but it's real and I hope you will appreciate the message I wanted to portray.
