We Should Talk. (Book One)

Matters of the Heart

Knock, knock.

"I'll get it." I hear. The silky voice on the other side of the door reminds me of art and rainy days. The things I love the most.

He opens the door.

"Toby." He breaths.

"Hi..."

He closes the door behind him with fearful eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Well..."

"Well, I'm your girlfriend?" He asks, with a tone that seems mad but not really. "I don't think you're my girlfriend anymore. And neither do you."

"I... I didn't say that."

"Of coarse you didn't. You never do. You just leave."

I feel like crying when he says that.

"Please don't say that..."

"But it's true. You just left. Didn't return my calls or texts or anything. Just left."

I hold back the tears.

"I really liked you, Toby. I really trusted you."

"I did too, Avi. I still do." As I examine his perfect hair, body and eyes, I realize Avi is way more than the sum of his parts.

Some people have the perfect body, hair, smile, life, everything, but the sum of everything, the total "product",  is less than the sum of their parts. Avi, is not one of those people. Avi, somehow, seems to be a lot more than the sum of his parts.

"Toby, I don't want to be mad at you anymore. I lost you; I don't understand why or how it happened, but it did, and it does, and that's fine."

"I wish it didn't." I breath out the words, looking at his breastplate hypnotically.

He doesn't answer. Just looks at me probably wondering what I mean.

"You might want to stop there. I don't want you to say something you might regret later." He finally says.

"I can't regret saying something that is true." I tell him, my eyes finally meeting his. This moment feels particularly intimate. My hands somehow came to rest in his chest, and I can feel his breath, and heartbeat. And when our eyes meet I hate to look up, because he is so tall, but we are so close that I feel like I'm looking at the top of a building, and my head is tilted just right so that my mouth is specially close to his. And it's at that moment, and maybe a small moment before this, that I realize I miss him more than I thought. "I wish I didn't give up on you so easily."

He looks away, as if seeing me were some kind of torture.

"Toby... You can't just say these things and then leave me again. God, have a heart."

"I do have a heart." I say, looking down as well. "But I'm afraid you haven't given it back to me yet."

Our eyes meet, and a sweet smile grows on my lips, while he examines me, every inch of my face, as if he were wondering if this is trap; if he should run because I'm about to explode the building; if I were doing this as some kind of epic revenge. Because like the bomb, if this were all but a plan to me, he would not survive.

It's like as he looks at me like that, I understand a warning, one that tells me that if I go on he will believe me, and he will trust me.

And I want to feel free from him, and take back my word, and just leave, wishing him well without me; but I can't. Because that's not what I want. What I want is standing in front of me.

~

Omg i'm sorryyy (for Theby shippers)

If it makes you feel any better I didn't see this coming either.

I just write, without planing what I'll write before I do, I just let my mind untangle itself on paper, and follow my heart and instincts on the stories, and apparently, even when I was ready to let Avi go, suddenly I realized I wasn't, and I guess that's how Toby felt too.

Sorry about the mini plot twist guys, love ya <3

Xo,
Pri

PS: Appreciate the song in the media attachment okay it's my fav ever it's gonna play in my wedding (if Ansel Elgort ever decides to propose #thatsillyboy) & the 21P version is fucking glorious