Just Close Your Eyes (Phan)

Chapter 11

'You're homeless?'

I refused to meet his eyes, staring at the ground. He wasn't going to let me walk away from this, but I could try. He walked toward me, stopping less than a meter away. 'Answer me, Dan. Are you homeless?'

I stared at the distance between his and my feet. I didn't have a choice, he already knew. It was already too late. Just telling him I was homeless was never going to be enough. He would want to know the entire story, and if I told him that, that distance between his and my feet was never going to be this small again. The next time that distance would even come close to being what it was now, he was going to kill me. And in that exact moment, I realised I would let him.

His hand on my shoulder pulled me away from my thoughts and in a reflex, I looked up. 'Why didn't you tell me before?'

Because I was terrified. Terrified he would walk out of my life, deciding he didn't want me in his after all. As soon as this thought crossed my mind, my brain locked onto it. Wouldn't that be worse? If he decided some homeless boy wasn't worth all of his trouble and he would just walk away? If I told him what I was, at least I would know what was wrong and why he hated me. He would have good reasons to. But what if he just didn't care?

Suddenly, I was pulled into a tight hug. His arms were around me and I felt him lay his chin on my shoulder. 'Do you think I'd hate you?' he whispered.

I had forgotten he was my soulmate. Of course he knew what I was thinking. It had probably been clear on my face, but for once, I didn't mind. 'I would hate myself.'

He pulled back, although his hands stayed on my arms. 'It doesn't matter to me. Except that I'm going to fix it.'

I immediately shook my head. 'Don't. I'm not worth-'

'Can you promise me you'll be here tomorrow if we let you go outside tonight?' Phil was staring into my eyes and when he looked at me like that, my brain couldn't come up with a lie even close to believable. Truth was, I couldn't promise that. Not when it was snowing like this. I couldn't promise I was going to be in the shop tomorrow, I couldn't even promise to be alive by tomorrow morning. And he would never know what happened to me, although he could guess.

I swallowed and closed my eyes. 'I can't.'

'So you're coming with me tonight,' Phil said.

'Phil-' I started, but he immediately interrupted me.

'Don't. It's no use.'

'Listen to me.' I stopped for a moment, waiting for him to show he wasn't going to interrupt me. When he nodded, I continued. 'You remember those guys who came into the shop a few months ago? Who threatened me and hurt you?'

'Yes, of course I do. What does that-'

'What does that have to do with this? Everything. They were after me, Phil. They have been ever since... Ever since I left my parents' home. It's not safe for you if I come with you. What if they see? They will come after me, to your house. I can't- I can't put you in that kind of danger again.' My voice threatened to break at the last sentence and I couldn't continue. I inhaled deeply, trying to push back the memories of how they had attacked Phil.

'I don't care.' I looked up abruptly at those words, only then realizing I had been looking to the ground when I had said that. Phil's eyes were alive, like I had never seen before. They almost shone with emotion. 'I. Don't. Care,' he repeated. 'Not when it's your life at stake. There's a chance you'll freeze to death and you can't even fake a promise.'

'I would never,' I whispered.

'You would never what?'

'Fake a promise.' Promises were meant to be kept and if I broke that one rule I had always believed in, I would be just as bad as my parents. I wanted him to trust me, although I knew it would be wrong of him to do so. I didn't deserve it.