Just Close Your Eyes (Phan)

Chapter 17

I held up my hand before he could speak. 'There is a lot of misunderstanding around soulmates. Can I first explain what it exactly means to be soulmates before you say anything?'

His eyes were shining and I felt a lot of emotions hitting the walls I had raised again. I had already expected that and focused on keeping them up, until I was sure they would hold.

Phil hesitated for a moment. 'Okay.'

I breathed out in relief. I didn't want him to jump to conclusions, feeling forced to do anything he didn't want to do. 'Thank you. When two people are soulmates, this means their souls are a lot alike, even close to the same. They aren't the same person, they've both experienced situations that shaped them that the other didn't. But it usually means you understand each other better than other people will and you feel more comfortable around your soulmate than around other people. Sometimes, two soulmates fall in love, but far from always. The only thing it means is that you are best friends and that the other person will make you want to be a better person. If you meet your soulmate, they'll probably change you, but in a good way. At least, if you let them.'

'If you let them?' Phil repeated. 'You mean that, if you want, you can walk away from them and continue your life as if it never happened? You're not destined to be with them or any of that?'

'No, a lot of people don't even meet their soulmates. It'd be pretty shit for them if all their lives they felt like something was missing. You can be happy with someone who isn't your soulmate, they can make your life complete as well. Meeting your soulmate is more like a promise from the universe, a promise that this is someone who will always understand you, who will always feel like a home.'

Phil nodded. 'I understand. But why do you feel other people's souls? Is there any reason or is it just something that evolution gave you?'

I thought for a moment, trying to remember everything I'd been told about the creation of angels and our qualities. 'I don't think angels are a result of evolution, I was taught we just always were around. Humankind just evolved to look like us, although I think God has had His influence in that. The Bible isn't completely accurate, but roughly it's right about how Earth and everything else were created. Anyway, that wasn't your question. Yes, there is a reason why we feel people's souls. Two reasons, actually. The first one and probably the most important one, angels are usually sent down to earth to help people. It's an advantage if you can feel how everyone is feeling and to know who needs help. Because most of the time, people who truly need help hide it the best, so it's really helpful when you can tell who needs it.'

'A bit like you, actually,' Phil smiled.

'What do you mean?'

'When I met you in the shop, I didn't think you were homeless. I've never suspected it until I heard Martyn say you didn't have a home. I should've known, now I think about it.'

'I didn't want you to know, remember? I purposely wanted you to not know.'

'Still, but that wasn't my point. What I meant was that you needed help, but you hid it well so nobody noticed.'

'I guess you could compare it to that, yeah. But that's not really the purpose of angels, their job is more like helping people who are depressed or have another mental illnesses. Because we can feel other people's feelings, it's easier for us to understand how and why they're thinking like they do than for other human beings. That's reason one for why we feel other people's souls. Reason two has more to do with the soulmate thing, although I think knowing when other people are each other's soulmates is a side effect of that. I've never heard of a purpose for that quality. But angels get lonely pretty quickly when they have no others, because in heaven, we're used to being with a lot. The human world is a lot lonelier than that and having your soulmate by your side makes it easier. Also, we're exposed to a lot of bad feelings, which leaves their trace on how we're feeling. If you have your soulmate by your side, it's easier to handle. If you didn't recognize your soulmate, it would be a lot harder to find them.'