His Queen

07.

The sinking feeling that was felt by me was undeniable. His words flew out of his mouth so smoothly. Those words of him floated ever so effortlessly in the air, and there was I, sitting ever so quietly and peacefully. Yet his quick words were more than enough to cut me deep as they passed me.

Yes, those words of him contained no such difficulty.

And indeed, they contained no difficulty inflicting pain and embarrassment upon me.

When one of the councilmen asked as to why I was here, I was thinking if his majesty will state the truth of claiming me as his, or even telling the council of the unnamed affair between us.

I would not say that what we have is a relationship, I have been naive enough. For surely, an intimate relationship only blossoms between two people when they have undeniable feelings towards each other that are not superficial. When they feel as if their love is the only star that they could see through millions and endless counts of other stars in the sky. When they have these feelings towards each other that is so strong that they are not scared to hide it from the world.

They are not embarrassed of each other, for richer or for poorer, with or without title, noble or commoner, king or slave, they do not deny each other.

Clearly, from his majesty's words earlier, he took no struggle to deny me, and to deny whatever we have between us. He denied every single second he spent with me, he denied every single kiss and intimate embrace, all of his hushed whispers, he denied our first kiss, my first kiss, and he denied his apology towards me.

For in his eyes, in his mind, I am still, nothing.

He may not have meant it the way he has before, but in both ways, I am nothing in his eyes.

I am nothing towards the society, I have no title, nor do I have any relative to know if I even have a single branch of nobility or even royalty. I woke up knowing that I was born as a servant, to serve people higher than me. I grew up learning that it is difficult earning even a spec of respect from people higher than me. Higher than us. The only ones whom give us slaves or servants a whole amount of respect are ourselves. We know our place in the society, we get the same treatment from most nobles and upper class families, we understand one another. We are a family.

That was what his majesty meant the first time he said that I was nothing. I was nothing to this society. One less servant would not harm the economy of the kingdom, one less servant would not mean anything to those who live the upper class life.

The first time, his majesty said that I mean nothing to the society.

But his words from earlier kept repeating in my mind. Every word of his hurt me deeply; I was embarrassed in front of his councilmen. It felt as if I was some rejected potato that he does not even want to be seen with.

"She is nothing; no one. She is just a visitor here."

However, those words made a difference from the words he said before.

The councilman was asking of my relevance to his majesty. He was asking me and his majesty as to who I was, and what position do I hold in his majesty's life.

Am I a relative?

Am I someone who withholds a position in his majesty's monarchy that I attended a meeting between his majesty and the council?

Am I his lover?

Is he my lover?

Who am I in the king's life?

Am I of importance to him?

Those were probably the questions circulating through their heads as they saw an unknown girl sitting with them in a meeting with the king.