Dear Diary,
I apologize to you that I haven't wrote anything in past four days, but Sam and Dean had been back from hunt and they needed some treatment. It had took longer since I can't heal them anymore. It did upset me a little, but I tried to hide it as best as I could. But I am still new to these emotions. It can get little difficult in doing so.
Well, as I was saying, Sam and Dean had been on a hunt they refused to take me along, since I am "too weak right now" or "unskilled". I didn't put much of a protest. I suppose they want to keep me safe. But it still angered me a little.
Yes, I need to train with guns and I am not best at paying attencion at my surrounding, but I used to be an angel. I think I am still help.
Even trough I feel currently more as weight on their shoulders.
I did helped with treating their injuries and they seem fine. Currently, Dean is in his room, I don't know what he's doing, but he had took Sam's notebook along.
Sam is reading book.
It's some book about Harry Potter. I need to ask him about it later, since bunker can get a lot boring, me being here mostly alone, only people I am seeing are Sam and Dean.
I have to admit, I didn't imagined being human feels this way. Mostly...lonely. As angel..I knew my brothers and sisters were around but now..I feel nothing. I am left alone with my thoughts and those hurts.
I usualy think of things I could've changed. I did many bad steps and I regret some. I wish I could change my fate. Because now I am nothing more as swordless soldier. I feel usless.
But Dean says I been help with treating injuries. Sam let me take some medical books. I will learn how to treat injuries properly before I myself will heal properly because right now, I am in pain. Mostly my back, from where my wings have been taken away.
It worsts when I am stressed. I suppose I should worry less about Dean and Sam. But they will go on hunts more and more and I? I will sit here, just wait untill they come back. But I have to accept that. Accept my new place. New home.
And I think I can get used to it.
Sam and Dean are so kind. They make sure I am fine, well, mostly Sam. He always asks if I am thirsty or hungry, since I still am ignoring those needs.
Dean is trying to keep me busy, not being bored. He made Sam leave his notebook to me, he tells me about all books that are in bunker and he brings me fun little things from outside
Oh, have I mentioned I have my own room? My own personal space. I haven't had that...before. As angels, we have shared places to rest, places to lay our head on. But now? It's all mine. And I can call it my room. I place all things Dean brings me into my room.
Little suvenoirs from around states, books, CD's and many other things. I think he steals them..but I never asked.
I keep you, dear diary, there too. I don't really want Sam and Dean read it. I want my thoughts and memories being between me and you.
Anyways, I should be heading back. Sam is making dinner and I want to learn how to cook. Untill now, I only have burned spaggeti. I will write you soon, diary.
-C
