hurt

chapter one

"It's over."

My mouth dropped as I read the message.

I quickly replied, "Why?", as my face grew hot and the tears splashed my cheeks. He read the message but didn't answer.

"Simone, are you okay?" My friend Katherine asked wiping the falling tears. I threw my phone beside her and watched her read the message.

"Oh my god.. No.." She whispered. I gasped for air as my crying began to get worse.

"Simone, I am so so sorry." She said lightly rubbing my back. I stood and left with no goodbye.

I got in my car and drove to Harry's house.

I can't believe that after one year, ten months, and thirteen days, he's leaving me.

I rushed out and knocked on the door.

He opened the door and looked down. He closed the door and came outside. He hugged himself and squinted at the falling snow.

"I was such an idiot," I said shaking my head. " an idiot for thinking you wouldn't hurt me. For thinking I'd wake up to you beside me every morning and you kissing my forehead telling me I'm beautiful even though I still wouldn't believe you. What about us being each others saviors. When we found each other, we were both close to suicide and we stopped each other. What happened to me being your forever? Why, Harry, why?" I shouted.

"It's complicated, but I can't be with you anymore.."

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you."

"Harry please,"

"I am so sorry, but," He looked down and grabbed my hand.

"No," I shook my head and cried more. "Harry don't do it. Don't say it."

"Simone this is goodbye." He pulled me into his arms. I sobbed loudly into his chest.

I looked up at him and closed my eyes as he rested his lips on mine. He kissed me for a long period of time and filled me with warmth. I thought about how that couldn't be our last kiss. This can't be goodbye. We can't just end like this. I pulled away softly and looked into his deep green eyes.

He released my hand planted a small kiss to my cheek. I suddenly remembered our saying. It was Je t'aime, which meant I love you in French.

"Je t'aime." I said after he turned around. He turned back towards me and smiled.

"Je t'aime." He replied.

•••

I brushed my dark, brown hair out of my face as I got out of bed. I looked in the mirror.

Long, dark, brown hair; green eyes; a broken heart.

I looked over at the sink where I laid my blades. I picked one up and prepared myself for the beautiful sting it was about to provide.

One line for each letter of Harry.

H- one

A- two

R- three

R- four

Y- five

I added and extra three lines and looked at my arm. Droplets of blood surfaced. I grabbed a small cloth and wiped it up. My arm burned, but it felt nice.

So much for almost six months clean.

It felt nice to cut again. It felt nice to feel the pain.