hurt

chapter three

A week clean hurts. I'm trying to keep myself from doing my wrists so people don't notice as much, but they're already so cut up, it shouldn't even matter.

I want to cry at the pain on the inside. The numbness and throbbing sensation I'm not feeling because I'm not cutting. It hurts. I need it. I looked down at my arm and began scratching it intensely. The healing scars opened and bled. It wasn't the sting of cutting, but just looking at my arm looking like that makes it a little better.

I looked down at my ringing phone.

Katherine.

I ignored it and looked back down at my arm. A few moments later, I heard a pounding on my door. I looked out of the window.

Katherine.

"Simone! Please, If you're not going to answer me at least listen, because I know you're in there. Let me start with I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to even consider dating Harry. It was wrong of us not to tell you. He loved you, and I should've stayed away. I am so so sorry I'm the cause for your breakup. I am so sorry that I can't even begin to fix our friendship. I've betrayed you and I'm sorry.." She faded her words. I went to the door and opened the door, only cracking it a little so she could barely see my face. She looked at me and took a deep breath.

"I am an awful person and I've ruined it all. Simmy,"

"Don't call me that." I said stopping her. She used to call me Simmy all the time.

She looked hurt at my comment, but brushed it off and continued.

"Simone, I am so deeply sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry. I get it. But either way a sorry isn't going to get rid of the fact that you helped my soulmate ruin my life. A simple sorry won't fix the cuts on my arm. A sorry can't fix everything. It's just a word that expresses a feeling that you don't really feel. Plus, let's get real here, you don't regret the cute dates and the kisses. You're not truly sorry. I mean, I wouldn't regret kissing him or cuddling or hearing him tell me sweet things, whether I was helping him cheat on my best friend or not. Let's face it, you aren't really sorry. You're only trying to get me to come crying back to you. Well reality check here, Katherine. I'm not that easy." I said and slammed the door.

•••

I sat and looked over mine and Harry's photo album.

December 25, 2012- us kissing under the mistletoe on christmas.

January 1, 2013- us mid-kiss at twelve as the year changed.

March 20, 2013- we held up two puppies, we had helped at an animal shelter that day.

All of these memories remind me how good i used to have it with Harry.

All of these memories make me angry. To think that I fell hopelessly for someone who was falling for someone else.

How did I not notice? How was I so blind? I couldn't even see that my boyfriend was dating my bestfriend. How in the actual hell did I fall for it?

So many unanswered questions. So many things that I wish someone could tell me.

I kept flipping through and found an old note he wrote me like a few weeks after we started dating.

I opened it and read the messy handwriting.

-Simone, I know we've only been dating four weeks and two days, but you've... changed me. I've stopped cutting for three weeks straight now. And I've noticed your arms are healing. I haven't seen any new scars.

We are exactly what each other needs. We've helped each other.

We were made for each other.

I'll kiss your scars if you'll kiss mine, and I....

I love you.-

I remember that as the first time he said I love you to me. We took things really slow. Most couples say I love you within the first week, but we weren't like that. We started revealing secrets to each other about ourselves in like week two. We know everything about each other.

I just can't wrap my head around us being over. We were that couple to beat. The couple everyone envied. We had a relationship that everyone yearned for. We had something special, but now that special thing is gone.

And it's not just Katherine's fault, but Harry's.

He led me on and made me believe I was his one and only, when I wasn't.

It's all Harry's fault.

I got up and went through my drawers and found a drawer full of Harry's shirts and such. I forgot he practically lived here every weekend and every other week. I put them all in a Walmart bag and walked down to his house. I knocked on the door and left the clothes on the porch. I walked off of the porch, trying to rush to get away. I heard the door open, making my heart pound.

"Simone." The raspy voice called out. I bit my lip, fighting tears and turned around.

"Yes?" I replied stepping a few steps closer. I scanned his features and my eyes immediately fell to his arm. droplets of blood sprang from the many cuts lining it.

"Thanks." He said quietly. I shook my head and walked off. As I edged the driveway, I turned around.

"I really see how she made you not want to cut." I said rudely.

"I guess it wasn't her." He said with pity in his eyes. I turned back around and replied quietly.

"Guess not."

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srry my chapters are short idk ill make the next one longer maybe idk like idk ok lol bye