hurt

chapter four

I grazed my finger over the necklace I was about to loop around my neck. I put it on and clipped it. I looked at myself. My big curls added a cute spin on my red lipstick and brown eyeliner. My eyes beamed a green color. I stood and smoothed out my short, flowy black dress.

I finished up preparing for the first social thing I've done in weeks. I was going to a boy's and girl's mental asylum for teens. They were holding a get together where they bring in past patients who made it through to help the others. I wasn't a past patient, but I offered to help. These teens could use a word of advice.

I got in my car and drove down to the center. It's a very pretty building, no one would think that it held such sadness. The place is filled with negativity. Full of teens who want nothing more than to get out. Who feel like crazy people for just being anorexic or suicidal or something.

Poor people. They've lost their young years because people label them as psychotic when all they need is a little love.

When I walked in, I was escorted to a group of three girls. The woman informed me that they all had social anxiety, were anorexic, self harmed, and that one was extremely suicidal.

I sat down in front of them and introduced myself.

"And I didn't ever have to come here, but I've been suicidal, and I self harm." I thought about what I said and figured I shouldn't let them know I self harm currently. "Self harmed." They all sat silently until one girl with short, brown hair spoke up.

"I'm Anna.." She said quietly. I looked at her and smiled. The other two looked at her then looked at me. The blonde with purple tips spoke up next.

"I'm Megan."

"I'm Jenn." Said the other blonde with short hair.

I looked them all in the eye back and forth and picked up the descriptions they made of each other. I scanned it and summarized it.

"Anna, you are a beautiful girl who couldn't see it. Everyone kept telling you how gorgeous you were but you ignored them thinking they were lying. You just brushed it off with a blade to your wrist. Am I right?" She looked shocked and slowly nodded. I looked at Megan.

"You are a girl who's always been overweight. You figured being skinny would make everything better. It does. Skinny is amazing. Everything looks better on skinny. But you went too far. Your stomach is so small that there is no possible way to have flab. Ribs and hipbones are what shows, but you're proud. It is quite beautiful, if I say so myself."

"Jenn, you don't talk much. Your social anxiety is the worst out of the whole group, and you're so suicidal that you've attempted five times. You feel lost and want nothing more than to get out of here..." I looked around at all of them again. "I can't and won't promise you that things get better, because I'm just gonna be honest with you, it hasn't for me and it doesn't seem like it will. I still cut. I'm still having suicidal thoughts. All that I can promise is that sometimes someone can make it better. My old boyfriend, Harry, helped me. I was clean for a very very long time. Cutting wasn't even a thought. So please, if any of you find someone, give them a chance. Sometimes it could be that one person that helps you survive."

"What happened?" Asked Anna.

"He was cheating on me with my bestfriend. Lies happened. But that doesn't change how he not only changed my life, but saved it." I said looking away to blink off the tears.

"Just always be aware of the person. Make sure they aren't doing something that could hurt you in the future, so you can stop them before it hurts worse."

"What was his name?"

"Harry.." I looked away and looked up at the clock. Someone's head covered it. I examined the person and realized who it was.

Harry.

"Simone?" Anna said quietly in a worried tone.

"Sorry I, I just got a little lost." Harry was talking to the desk lady. I watched his long legs walk over to me. I held my breath.

"Anna, Megan, and Jenn?" He asked deeply. They scanned his face then looked at me. They must've noticed how my eyes began to water because they got suddenly rude to him.

"And who's asking?" Snapped Jenn.

"Harry.... Harry Styles." He looked a little scared.

All of them looked at me with open mouths and wide eyes. I gasped for air as I began to cry. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom. A minute later the girls came in. Harry was outside the door. They all hugged me and dragged me out of the bathroom.

Harry stepped forward and took my face in his hand. He tilted my chin upward so I was looking at him. I felt like everything was spinning in that moment.

"Simone, please listen to,"

"Don't touch me." I said quietly through gritted teeth. He kept his hand on my chin.

"Simone."

"I said don't touch me!" I screamed. He dropped his hand and looked teary eyed.

"I am so sorry, Simone."

"I don't care. You don't care. No one cares and that's all I'll ever know in my life! Is no one caring!" I screamed. I looked at the girls who looked frightened.

"One tip, girls. Never trust a boy, because just when you think you can, and just when you think you've finally found someone, they go in for the kill." I said looking straight into Harry. I shook my head and walked out.

•••

"Simone.." Katherine said quietly.

"Yes?"

"I have to tell you something.."

"What is it?"

Just as she opened her mouth to tell me, Harry came barging into the coffee shop. He sat down beside Katherine and kissed her, as if I wasn't there.

"Katherine. What did you have to tell me?" She looked at Harry with a half worried half excited look on her face.

"What's going on, Katherine?" Harry asked nervously.

"Harry, Simone," She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Harry and I immediately looked straight at each other. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. So my love, the one that left me for my best friend, has gotten that best friend pregnant. Something that makes it worse is that it's obvious the plants were fertilized while Harry and I were still dating..

Fuck this.

"That's it." I said getting up.

"Simone, what," Katherine began.

"So you brought me here to tell me that basically you had sex with who was my love at the time? I could care less about your baby. I don't want to hear anything about it, because you know what that does to me when I do hear about your relationship? Just take a guess." They looked at each other then looked down.

"It kills me inside a little more, and soon, there will be nothing left for you to kill, it'll already be all dead anyway."

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yo guys soz i havent posted in a rlly long time i just kinda forget and i do a lot of other stuff so i never have time but ill try to post more often ily ok bye