Tumble (Drarry)

1

Trigger warning: Suicide
Harry Potter

🔅🔅🔅

I'm drowning.

It's kind of comforting but it hurts a lot more than I remember.

Who would have thought that the boy who lived is trying to kill himself. Again.

Technically my life hasn't actually gone downhill. I suppose I've always been at the bottom of the hill.

Most people would think that my life would be amazing. I mean, I'm rich, famous, and I'm living with my high school sweetheart. I should be having a party, but instead I'm drowning myself in a bathtub.

I do this ever so often, attempt to commit suicide. I live with Ginny though, so I'm always getting caught.

Ginny's back at school though.

I had the choice to go back, but the panic attacks became too frequent and the depression became too severe. Many people wanted Ginny to stay with me, but that wasn't happening. That would make her a dropout and no one gets money by leaving high school.

Of course, I could earn the money. I've been offered many jobs, but I had to politely decline them. I was planning to be an auror, but things just don't work out for me. They told me I could never get a job and I listened and didn't get one. People say I'm a good listener. They say I'm fine, in a mental way. Obviously I'm not very fine in the physical form.

I don't want to worry them, but I'm not fine (once again. mentally. I guess physically too.).

No one can know, so I'd never physically harm myself. I can't do anything that would make people worry about me. I would never take away that useful time away from people. That's why I refuse a therapist. I know I should go, but I can handle.

Of course people argue. They say I've been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and clinical depression. I suppose that's a pretty good argument, but I don't want someone to look out for me. Every time that happens, someone dies.

Maybe if I were dead it would cause less pain.

"He's in a better place now."

Yeah, because they think I'm going to a cushy cloud in the sky.

Unfortunately, committing suicide is a sin, so I guess I'll be seeing you in hell.

Wait.

How long have I been in here? I should be dead by now, but my heart is still beating.

Fuck.

The phone is ringing.

One last phone call before I leave. I guess that's kind of sappy. Whatever.

I emerge from under the water.

1 minute.

1 more minute and I would have died.

I get out of the bathtub, dripping small water droplets everywhere. No point in drying off if I'm going to get right back in.

The mirror has been covered up by a sheet. I just can't stand the look of myself.

RIIIIINNNGGGGG

Right, the phone. I never understood muggle objects. Especially this one. It overtook letters after the war.

The war.

No, I need to answer the phone. I pick it up and press answer. It's Ginny.

"Hello?" My voice is flat. No wonder no one calls me.

"Hey babe!" Her voice is the opposite of mine. I'm not sure what I should say so I stay silent.

"Anyway, I have great news!" She seems too happy.

"What is it?" I don't get out much if you can't tell by this horrible attempt of a conversation.

"Promise you won't get mad." Hardly. I don't get angry anymore. I don't show any emotion really.

"Sure." My voice changed from flat to small and afraid. It's dead just like the rest of me, but my heart won't catch the memo.

The phone is silent, static crackling through the system. Then Ginny begins to speak.

"So I was throwing up a lot and I was having weird cramps and stuff."

She was silent, as if she expected me to answer.

"Okay." I was told I needed to add to the conversation every once and a while.

"And I also skipped my period." She was too excited. Why would she be excited about skipping school?

"And?"

"You seriously don't know what I'm talking about?"

Shit. Am I supposed to know? I was barley listening. Just tell the truth. Honesty is always the answer. I think.

"No." Blunt. Perfect.

"You're hopeless!" She was angry now. That practically blew up my eardrums.

"I'm pregnant, Harry! We're having a baby!"

Wait. What?

I drop the phone while she's talking about how she's sorry she didn't tell me earlier or something.

Why is she so happy about this? She knows we can't handle a child. Well, maybe Ginny could, but I sure as hell couldn't.

There's another reason I'm going to hell. Having sex before marriage. Fantastic.

I need to talk to someone. Definitely not Ginny.

I hang up the phone.

I just need to speak to someone. Anyone.

Suicide hotline?

Ginny told me to call them if I needed.

Yes.

I need to talk to someone.