Entry Two
Tuesday, March 23rd
12:47 p.m.
Sorry it took me so long to write again. Last week was hard to get through with all of the cemo-therapy and my family visiting me.
They were their normal selves but I just couldn't see all of there cheerfulness to be real. How can some people be so cheerful in such a hopeless situation?
Maybe they're just doing it for me. Pretending everything was okay so maybe I caught some of it and tried harder to live.
I've noticed I'm losing a lot of energy lately. I don't remember the last time I could walk down to the courtyard to hang out outside without a wheelchair and a nurse. I guess I am getting worse.
What do you think death is like? I don't know if I'm scared of it or not. I was raised on the belief of God and his son Jesus. So I'm not sure how that will work. Considering I'm lesbian and supposedly God frowns upon all of that, will I go to Hell? Be forced to live eternity in torture? Probably.
I hurt people, that's what I do. So I guess that's where I belong. Down in hell with all of those demons and bad people that didn't deserve Heaven. I know I don't.
Another nurse I don't know just came in to tell me it's time for lunch. I'm eating outside today so I won't be able to write. I kind of want to enjoy the sun, maybe it'll bring me some joy? I don't know, but I'll write soon.
Should I even write 'Love' anymore? I don't think so.
~Hayden
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