Sick

Entry Four

Entry Four

Monday March 29th

8:45 a.m.

So I had a lot of fun over the weekend but it was kind of depressing. Krissy got all of the paperwork ordered and I was informed I could go out with her.

Saturday Krissy picked me up at 8 and we went to breakfast at iHop. "How've you been, Hayden?" She finally asked once we were completely settled in our seats.

"Oh you know, just dying." I chuckled at my dark humor and stared at the table.

"That's not funny, man." Krissy grumbled and ran a hand through her tousled dark brown hair. I always thought Krissy was pretty with the blue eyes and fair skin and the tiny body. But I'd never been attracted to her in that way.

We've been best friends ever since seventh grade when she saw me getting bullied in the hallway at our school and stood up for me. How anyone was scared of a 5'0", feisty Puerto Rican has always evaded me. But they were and both of them ran off.

She helped me pick up my books and walked me to class considering I was brand new at the school. My head hurt from getting slammed into the locker but I never told her about it.

After that I looked up to her and she always made an attempt at trying to keep me company. I don't know how many times we got into some stupid fight because I said something wrong or made a rash decision that could have screwed up our friendship.

"I'm sorry, K." I sighed and leaned back against the seat.

Krissy shut her eyes tightly and leaned against the table. "Why are you doing this?" She muttered quietly.

"Doing what?" I grumbled and played with the hem of my shirt, picking at a loose string. I knew what she was talking about perfectly.

She sighed again, "You're killing yourself, Hayden! You're not even trying!!! Why? Because Mari's gone? She left? Is that it? Nobody else matters to you but her? What about me? What about your parents? Your brother? Your sister? EVAN???" Her voice cracked and she leaned back against the table, pressing her forehead against it.

I stayed silent and stared at the wall behind her, unable to try and comfort her. I knew if I did that I would break down and it's taking all of my willpower not to while I'm writing this.

Krissy took a shaky breath and sat back up. I noticed tears glistening in her eyesand bit my lip; my heart clenched in pain.

I hurt people, like I've told you before. It's what I do, I can't help it, even if I say I won't hurt you, I do. No matter what; I'm pretty sure I've hurt everyone I've come in contact with.

"Hayden, I can't.... I can't...." She shook her head and shut her eyes again. I felt like I could see her heart breaking on her face. The way it scrunched up, I could see the cracks in her facade.

"I know, Kris, and I'm not asking you to." I crossed my arms.

I noticed Krissy clench her jaw in anger before the waiter came over to take our orders. Our conversation was over for now and we didn't talk about it the rest of the day.

Krissy took me around and we went to the mall. We went to the park and hung out for a little while. Then we went to the little coffee shop just up the road from where my parents were.

"You want to stop by your family's house?" Krissy asked, scooping some ketchup onto her fries, she'd never been one to put the ketchup on her fries. Mari never liked ketchup anyways.

"If you want to." I shrugged and took a sip of my Sprite. I've never liked ice in any of my sodas, its disgusting and I can't understand why anyone would want ice in soda.