Sick

Entry One

I just decide to start this story because I got the idea for this story when I was doing the laundry. Hope you like it!!! Vote, comment, read. You know, all that jazz XD

~Dark

Entry One

Monday, March 15th

9:30 p.m.

It's been awhile since I last saw her. I really can't remember how she looks when she smiles. The last time I saw her she was walking away for the final time, tears and despair in her eyes. I guess that's why I can't remember her smile, I keep replaying the moment she left in my head so many times I can't think of anything else.

I broke her heart yet she always came back. How many times have I begged for her to take me back? I can't even count it.

Maybe I should tell you why I'm writing this; to be completely honest I'm not 100% sure. I don't even know who you are if you're reading this, but it means that I'm gone. That I've left either to God knows where or I actually lived and I lost this notebook somewhere in all of the madness.

Anyway, I'm writing this so I can get my feelings out. Nobody understands me very well ever since I got sick and since I'm being completely honest in this notebook; I don't know myself very well either.

The only person that can even make sense of half of my emotions isn't in my life anymore. She's probably off somewhere finding guys or girls to be with and forgetting about me.

I can barely stand the thought, you know? I know I've made mistakes and all of that. I know she shouldn't think about me; actually she should hate me. But it makes me feel terrible to know she's not with me anymore, to know there are people out there that will try to use her. I can't stand it.

It makes me want to curl up and die right now. That's probably why the doctors are telling me I only have a few months to live. Because I don't have the will anymore. Maybe it's better this way... Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.

Is it sad to want to die? To just want to wish it all away? I wonder if I can get reincarnated somehow and have a better life and try to be a better person. For everyone I care about.

I wasn't all that great when I was a kid, I never told my parents I loved them. I wasn't the best older sibling to my brother and sister either. I wasn't really a nice person until She showed up and flipped everything around.

Maybe I'll tell you about it next time I get a chance to write... My nurse just came in to tell me it's time for lights out so I have to try to sleep. Usually I can't because I'm plagued by nightmares of Her. But I have to try, I have another round of cemo tomorrow so I have to be well rested.

Write later.

~Hayden