Deadly in Love moments

Distance

(Christie's pov)
-10pm-
Justin's going out of town for a couple of weeks. He has work to do in Chicago, so it's not exactly his choice. Honestly, I don't want him to. I don't want him to go at all, even if it's only for a few days.
I've been really stressed out lately, and he's helped me out a lot. He's the one who made dinner for me and Drew, so I could pay the bills. He supports me so much and I can't live without him, even if it's for more than a day. I'm always scared of being alone. I'm scared that something bad will happen if I'm left alone, wether it's my head or someone from my past. I wish I wasn't so paranoid.
"Are you going to bed babe?"Justin asks from inside the sheets.
"Yeah. I am."
I know Justin knows that I'm unusually down because of his trip, but I don't think he knows how much it scares me. I'm talking about extreme paranoia. It's gotten to the point to where I'm worried about him dying in a plane crash or if I'll ever see him again.
"Christie, it's only for 10 days. That's not even two weeks,"Justin embraces me in the covers, his dark eyes barely visible from the bathroom light behind the door. I can't stand the dark, so we keep the bathroom light on.
"Justin, do you really have to go?" I face him, our legs tangled under the sheets and our chests touching.
"I told you baby. I don't have a choice. Nobody else can go because they're busy."
His minty breath gently hits my cheek as he strokes his hand up and down my shoulder.
"But I can't wait that long." My eyes sting from the fear of being without him. I can't do this on my own. What if I get too overwhelmed and my bad thoughts return? What if he's not here when I feel like losing it? What if I never see him again?
"Aw, Christie don't cry baby. It'll be ok. I promise you. When I come back I'll spend all my time with you. You can do it babe."
I hate the fact that I can't stop myself from crying. I'm so sensitive to everything, and I'm such a baby. I hate it.
Instead of doubting him out loud, I simply nod and nuzzle up in his neck. He shifts on his back so I can move closer to him. All I feel is the steady heartbeat inside Justin's warm chest, before my thoughts can try to steal my ability to sleep.
-7am-
My heart feels ten times heavier than it did last night. I made breakfast for Justin and Drew, which is blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. Drew is still too young to eat anything except soft foods, so I mash him a banana.
"You made my favorite breakfast baby. Thank you," Justin walks downstairs with no shirt. He always likes to put on his shirt last, because he loves to be shirtless, and he knows I love it. However, the whole scene makes me despondent this morning. Knowing he's not coming back for days brings a sick feeling to my stomach. Therefore, I can't eat for shit. All I do is try to nibble off one of the pancakes.
"Do you really feel this bad about me leaving Christie?" Justin has a guilty yet dreary tone in his voice, and he looks at me solicitously. I give him a reluctant nod, feeling a lump growing in my throat and a light sting to my eyes. "Babe...You know I'm coming back soon. You know this is a one-time thing. Don't give yourself so much stress. I know you can survive babe. This isn't the end of the world," Justin puts down his fork and motions me to come closer. I stand from my seat and walk over to him, where he takes my hand to pull me in his lap. I feel his arm around my waist and his other hand brushing the hair to the side.
"Let me give you a little motivation. When I get back, I'll make you feel so good. Is that a deal?" His hands caress my waist down to my thighs as his breath hits against my ear. It makes me blush like crazy. I giggle and hop off his lap with a huge grin. "I'll take that as a yes," he chuckles, then finishes his plate. I eat the rest of my pancake, but I can't eat anything else without feeling too sick.

Justin's driving us to the airport. The whole time I want to cry and beg him not too leave me. Drew's in the back strapped into a car seat. "I'll call you every chance I get to. If anything goes wrong, call me ok? You won't be annoying to me," Justin speaks as he pulls into the airport. My voice has disappeared, so I nod in response to him. He kills the engine; then we get out and stand by the entrance.
"See you soon little buddy," Justin kisses Drew's head and lightly squeezes his hand. Drew smiles and laughs. It makes me smile as well. "Be safe baby. I'll be back before you know it," Justin pulls me into a big hug, and I don't want to let him go. I want him to stay, never leave my side. We're so close and I can't live without him. I'm so scared. There's always a part of me that always worries about the past. So many things can happen, and without Justin I feel helpless.
"I love you," he kisses me passionately with his arms tightly wrapped around me.
"I love you too," I manage to force the words out. He smiles, then picks up his bags and heads towards the door. I stand here and watch him walk away. I don't know if I'll see him again. That's what terrifies me. The urge to break down eventually wins over me, so I rush to strap Drew in his car seat and step into the drivers seat. Once the door shuts I start falling apart. I rest against the steering wheel, sobbing and heaving in silence. Even though it's only been under five minutes, I feel so alone and empty. I don't feel okay anymore, like I've lost all hope. I never knew Justin could make me feel this way. Yes, I love him, but I didn't know he controlled my happiness. This isn't normal. But I miss him so damn much. Is there a way I can bring him back? I can't take this kind of loneliness. I need Justin.

I don't know if I can drive right now, when I'm too emotional. I'd rather just sit here and cry my heart out. The distance can be felt, lengthening by the second.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the window, which makes me jump and snap my head up from my crying position. It's Justin. At first, I'm dumbfounded and I sit still, staring at the figure in front of the car door. It's when he motions me to unlock the car that I finally make a move and open the door.
"Babyyyy!" Justin instantly scoops me up in his arms, bridal style, and twirls me around. He's smiling but I'm still crying like a baby.
"What happened Justin? Did something go wrong?" I sniffle and dry my eyes.
"No no baby. I called my boss, told him I had a family emergency, and he let me stay," Justin beams as he stops twirling me.
"Oh Justin, I don't know what to do without you. Please don't ever leave me." The sobbing continues, so his smile grows concerned and he carries me into the car.
"I'm here Christie. It's ok babygirl. Don't cry," he has me in his lap while seated in the drivers seat. I wrap my arms around his warm body, squeezing him tightly without the intention of letting go. "Let's go home beautiful," Justin plants a big kiss on my cheek, holding it until I giggle at his cute little ways.

(A/N: I'm trying to stay on track of my posts. It'll get better in the next couple weeks bc school will get easier. Just hang in there babies💜 Next post is on Monday/Tuesday)

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