Horrible Human Beings

BREAKING POINT

BREAKING POINT

I almost kissed Charlie!

What the hell was wrong with me?

No...No...No. It couldn't be happening. What? Why? I was supposed to be over him from a lot of years in the past. I didn't look at him that way anymore and I couldn't, Charlie...He was my best friend, just that and still...

I jerked up and parted my lips with my heartbeat in the ears and the eyes fixed on his. Thank God something inside me pulled back and made me recall who we were and what we were doing.

I still brushed the corner of his lips with mine but managed to make it look at an accident product of a slippery elbow over the ice. However...There was one thing I couldn't just pretend or hide that easily. Luckily I managed to keep it covered with the skates on the way back home until we were back in the dorm and I hurried to get into the bathroom and change.

He didn't notice.

I was saved.

Getting rid of my underwear was the worst. I mean...I felt like a freak and actually that's what I was, having boners and orgasms over the only guy in the world I shouldn't fall for.

"Are you okay?" His voice made me snap and then I realized I wasn't in the ice-rink feeling deeply scared and funny at the same time. No, I was in the study and it was Monday already just days away from new school-year.

Thank god for the studio and Charlie. I managed to pay my fees and also got a new laptop. Buying things is always good to clear my mind and make me forget about things that are bugging me. Of course this time...It wasn't working that way, because it had been almost ten minutes since Charlie asked if I was okay and I didn't reply and now he was snapping his fingers in front of me.

"I'm fine" I lied poorly.

Charlie arched a brow. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing...I'm just sleepy. Stayed up until late night setting up the laptop"

Oh half-trues. I missed you guys.

"Oh right" He smiled though he didn't look pretty convinced of my answer though it wasn't completely false.

Charlie fell asleep shortly after I finished installing all the software on the computer, and as soon as I heard him snoring I checked that all my data in the hard drive was working after all, and that data included videos and pictures.

Twenty-one years of pictures of two boys. As I saw the pictures my eyes-went watery, not because I longed for those years or because I was sad about Charlie being my straight best friend. No, it was something even worse than all of it. I wanted to cry as stared at the pictures, because I was looking for something.

Looking for hints.

Something to hold on to, any kind of clue that Charlie might...No. I couldn't even think about it. It was so stupid. I couldn't believe I was really doing that to me again, but it was weird. I wanted to scream and tear my hair apart but that weird hot and jittery feeling on my tummy was harder than anything and I wanted to chuckle and close my eyes and sing...It was, so awfully wonderful.

How can something so beautiful feel so wrong at the same time?

"Mike come on! What's going on with you?" He said again and I looked up to find him looking at me with a funny look.

I swallowed and smiled that stupid kind of smile you can't hide because your damn cheeks are pulling up on their own will.

"You...You're hiding something"