Calum's lips against mine. It's something that I thought I would never miss after seeing his younger lips pressed against Michael's. Never in a million years did I think that I would miss it, but I miss it so damn much.
We're back home now. Calum spends his days with Michael and Ashton, but he sneaks out of Ashton's bed to go sleep with me then sneaks back in, but him not being there in the morning is slowly destroying me. Sometimes, Calum and I will get lucky. On the days that Ashton and Michael go to work we get the whole day to ourselves. Ashton forced Calum to stop working and I don't have a job, so it works out.
Being quite can have it perks. You notice things that you wouldn't have before, well... maybe you would, but it's clearer this way.
Sometimes begins quite can have its down sides. Like when you want to tell someone that you love them so damn much but they don't notice at all, or how much you're suffering right in front of their beautiful chocolate drown eyes.
It's incredible stupid that I keep wishing for something to click in his mind so he figures out how much I'm suffering.
I wish I could go back to when it was November and I was alone with Michael on my side and I didn't really know Calum. Just the through of him. I wish I was back in the desperate hole I had dug for myself, sending letters to my family to tell them things, just to have them sent back to me because they didn't care.
I wish I were dead.
It's always dark to me, but at night it's finally light. I pretend to be asleep, but I just wait for Calum's body to make the king sized bed dip and his warm body to push against my chest. He always wines a little when I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck, but sometimes he'll try to hold in the cuties little giggle when my hair tickles his cheek.
It's always adorable, but, at the same time, it pisses me the fuck off.
Tonight is no different.
I can feel the soft bed dip down due to Calum's light weight. He lets out a soft sigh and swings his body so he's laying down. Wrapping my arm around his waist that feels skinnier than I remember and lightly kisses his neck, keeping my eyes closed.
Normally I wouldn't do that, but lately, I've been more jealous then before. We never officially broke up, so we're still technically dating. It's just the way that Ashton and Michael have a grip on him that kills me. I thought Mikey was my friend.
The funny think about the words 'friend' and 'boyfriend' is that if you break them down they both are like him.
Boy • fri• end
Fri • end
Do you get what I'm getter at? They both start as something more, somethings special. Then, it turns to shit and you're friends (or acquaintances depending on the people), but then that 'friendship' falls apart and you're left with nothing. That's how both of them work.
They don't.
"Luke," He mumbles, twisting his small, perfect body so he's facing him with blotchy cheeks.
He's been crying hasn't he.
"Hm."
"I miss you," He says, nuzzling his head into my chest. I tighten my grip on his waist as a way to say that I miss him too, which is true.
YOU ARE READING
Aware • cth + lrh
Fanfiction"I-I just miss you, a-and when you leave it hurt me more that anything," He stutters, trying to let what he feels flow out of him like a river. Like it's not controlling him, but then he's lying to himself.
