Strong with a K

Acceptance

I was so determined.

So determined to march right up to you and tell.

Tell you what I'd been dying to for months.

Tell you so that you could choose me.

So that you could choose me and not her.

Not my best friend.

But then I turned that corner.

I turned that corner and you were smiling and she was smiling.

With pink cheeks and sparkling, blinded eyes and so much, so much love.

And I wondered how long, how long had this been going on?

How blinded had I been not to see you be overjoyed at her presence?

How blinded by my own love for you did I have to be to miss her absences at lunch, to miss the times you ditched me after school, to miss the crazy amount of "cello practicing" she'd been doing lately...just to see you?

And how cruel would I have to be to take that away from her?

Take that away from you.

If she loved you nearly as much as I did-and I wouldn't be surprised if that was true; it is so easy to fall for you-how could I take that away from her?

How could I ever do that and call her my best friend?

How could I ever do that and say I wasn't a monster?

And then you looked up and you gave me a small, wary smile because deep deep down I think you knew.

I think you knew the way I loved you.

How much I loved you.

And I think you knew why I cried those days ago.

Why I tried so desperately to push you away.

Why I was now coming back.

Because I realized it was so much darker out there without you.

So I forced a false smile back.

And walked to you.

And her.

Your eyes followed me as I moved.

They sent tingles down my spine that I willed away.

That I tried to ignore.

You greeted me.

She hugged me.

I asked, just for confirmation, if this was real.

If you were together now.

If all hope was gone for you and me.

And she smiled, a wide, huge, happy smile, and said Yes.

And you.

You just looked at her.

With all the love in the world.

And nodded your head one time.

Just one time.

Because that was enough.

For it to sink in.

For me to know what I had to do next.

I had to get over you.

But I had to keep you as my best friend.

Needed to keep you close.

Because I wasn't sure I wanted to try living without you again.

Even if it was for a few short days.

So I joked the pain away.

And we laughed.

And we smiled.

And you too looked at each other.

And kept on looking.

Kept on looking.

And I sighed.

Because I couldn't bring myself to try to ruin it.

So I made up an excuse.

And I left.

And you screamed after me.

So loudly.

So truly.

We love you.

And it might have been true.

But it wasn't in the way I wanted.

And it wasn't going to keep you from slipping away.

It wasn't going to keep her from taking you away from you.

And it wouldn't keep me from losing both of my best friends.

Forever.

A/N: Is she being too dramatic? Thoughts? Comments? I'd love them.