Teen Drama

A Letter(2020 Commentary)

Chapter 19 [I read a bit of this chapter before adding commentary, and --oh my word--I find this SO FUNNY.]

Kayden's POV

After we were done eating Kelsey and I left and went straight to her house. [Um...what kind of sentence was that?]"Kelsey",I told her,"go inside and I'll meet you there."

"Okay." She got out if my truck and went inside. I hit my steering wheel.[Kayden was definitely the white guy who punched holes in his walls.] "If it wasn't for me.",I sighed. I heard a scream,"KAYDEN HELP!!" I darted out of the car and bursts through the door. Allison's mom was trying to choke Kelsey![Kinky.] I jerked her out of the lady's grip. I quickly ran over to her and put her hands behind her and hold her fist. "What is wrong with you lady?!?!",I yelled. "That girl killed my daughter! She will pay!" Kelsey had a confused like in her face[I read this as "She was confused like in her face" and I CHORTLED.] and was gasping for breath. The woman was relentless,she was screaming and causing a scene.["But just imagine it. I'm not going to describe it, but trust me. This lady was bonkers."] She ran out the door and drove off. Kelsey fell to her knees. "What did I do?",she cried. I kneeled down and wiped a tear off her cheek. I sat next to her and hugged her. "This might be apart of God's plan for you.",[That is quite possibly the worst statement I have ever written in response to the situation that occurred.] I said and I gave her the note. She read it and had a shocked face. The letter stated: "Allison Lipton was found dead in a tub if her blood. She was a friend of Kelsey Frantom. Allison also posted a picture of her." Kelsey pulled her iPhone out an checked her Instagram. 

Kelsey's POV [Point of view changes should be banned.]

It was me in that swimsuit. The comments were worse:"sexy."["lmao look at this underage child in a bikini"] "I wanna get with that ;)" (This one was from Alexandria before she got in jail) [I'm sorry....Before she WHAT?]"She probably is a secret prostitute!["Secret prostitute"? You know what that sounds like? A new band name.] SHE HAS S.T.D.s!!" I dropped my iPhone. "I'm dead. I can't show my face anywhere.",I told Kayden.[Well, you're friend is also dead, but you haven't decided to address that, you poorly written protagonist.] "No. It was her mistake" [You do realize that this girl is dead, right? You are talking about a girl that has passed away. Show at least a shred of respect.] He held me in his arms tight. I felt so bad. I ran out the back door and sat in the backyard. I sobbed. Kayden took my hands and pulled me up gently. He turned on a slow song on his phone.[SOMEONE IS DEAD] I wiped away my tears. "May I have this dance?"[ALLISON HAS JUST DIED.] I nodded and smiled.[ARE YOU KIDDING ME?] His stuck his hand out,I held it, and we danced. I felt so much better than I did. Good thing it was "famiy night" at church because that meant I didn't have to go and show my face. "I am thinking of becoming Pentecostal for you.",Kayden told me.[Who cares? No one does.] I wrapped my arms around his neck and smile. I felt so happy around Kayden. I felt...safe. [Honey, you need to mourn the death of your friend, not slow dance with an actual asshole.]

Chapter 20

Kayden's POV

I checked my watch. "9:42. Should I get going?",I asked Kelsey. "Do you want to go home?",she asked back. I thought about it. I just said,"I don't know. I need to leave but I am worried for you. Your mother is gone, Allison's mom is on your tail and Dawn is out with Kami.[How...How do you know that?] I don't want to leave you alone." We stood up and she smiled at me. "I'll be fine. I'll call you if anything is wrong." I nod and I grab my keys. "Bye.",I tell her. "Bye Kayden.",she yawned. I walked out the door and for in my car. Started to drive to my house and I notice a new person was moving into my neighbor hood.[Because that word is two words now.]"I'll greet them in to morning with Kelsey.",I tell myself and I drive into my drive way. There were no cars so that meant my parents were out. I open my front door to see if Blake,my five year old brother,it there. I walk into his room and I see him sleeping. I turn off his lamp and I smile. I went to my father's office and I get my laptop. I opened it and turned it on. I click the google chrome icon and I sign into my Facebook.[What age are these characters supposed to be? Are they middle aged wine moms?]

19 notices in the past 4 hours.

"To the football players for the 10th grade: we will be holding our annual banquet in the Hampton Hotel on 133 James Street. It will be in the ball room and at 7:30 pm on Friday the 24. Bring a maximum of two guest.

We had a delay because of the drama club had exploded[They must have been doing a production of "Heathers: the Musical" and got a little to passionate about that final JD scene.] the gym so it was postponed. Have a good day!",read the first one. Three of the notices were Birthdays and the rest were game request. I just ignored them

I knew I was gonna ask Kelsey to the banquet, but it was the rowdy football team and you know how they are. They would be all on her.[Based on her fashion sense and general attitude, trust me, there would be no problem whatsoever.] I then just closed the laptop and fell asleep.

Kelsey's POV

"Shouldn't we check to see if they are good or not?",I asked Kayden.[Wait, he just fell asleep. Is Kelsey astroprojecting herself into Kayden's dream?] He adjusted his belt and tucked in his pink Polo shirt. I looked in the mirror and brushed off anything that might be on my lime green dress. It was puffy from the waist down and it had a Peter Pan collar and quarter sleeves.[Sounds ugly.] I had put a few loose curls and a pink heart clip in my hair.

"Let's just be friendly and if they pull a gun of us,RUN!",he said then laughed.[Nice and totally appropriate joke, Kayden! It's not like your girlfriend didn't almost get murdered a few hours ago!] I put on my white high heels and I walked over to him." Hey Kelsey I have a question." "Yeah?"

"Would you like to go to the football banquet with me?" ["No thanks."]