Teen Drama

The Outcast(2020 commentary)

[Hello! It's 2020 now, and I figured I would go back and add some commentary. I haven't read the chapters leading up to this nor have I read this chapter since 2013, so I am really jumping into this with zero context. I hate this story with a burning passion. Here we go I guess...]

Chapter 3

Kelsey's POV

It was the scariest moment in all of school history. I didn't know what happened until C and Alli told me. As Alli and I walk out of the office we saw Kayden Gooden ,the biggest jerk in school. He was starring at Alli and I. "How much did you see?",I asked him. "See what?",he winked at me,"All I see is a beautiful girl."[The guy I based this character off of was NOTHING like this guy. He was not smooth in the slightest. He was an emo boy who wouldn't give me the time of day...I obsessed over him.] I blushed but I quickly told myself to stop," What do you want Kayden?"

"Nothing. I just think you look cute today.",he winks at me again and smiles.

"Sorry,idiot. You snooze you lose!",replied Allison with a smirk. He stepped closer to her and said,"Watch it! You don't want me to step on you?" "Stop!",I screamed while I jerked my hand out of her grip. We are the outcasts why did he hit on me?[Well, you are the main character. It makes sense.] They looked at me. "Until the end of the day, NO FIGHTS IN THE HALLWAY!!" Alli rolled her crystal blue eyes [HER BLUE LOOKING ORBS]at me. "See ya later.",said Kayden while trying to touch my butt,[I WAS TWELVE WHEN I WROTE THIS!] but I grabbed his hand and twisted it,"Keep your hands away from the south of the equator",I threw his hand down,"or north." Alli and I then walked away.

Alli's POV

"Man! He is such a player!",I told Kelsey as we walked down the hallway to our class. "He learned from Joshua." Joshua was her ex boyfriend. He played her with a girl named José.[José is, in fact, a male name. I think I was meaning Josie.] It made so sad that it put her in the place she is now. She rolled her green eyes and ran we fingers through her hair. "Room 130." I muttered to Kel. We walked in like we were all that and a bag of air(because honestly bags of "chips" are just 80% air and 20% chips). "Late. Again.",recalled Mr.Linus. "Sorry we got into some...um..trouble.",said Kelsey. I nodded and said,"Sorry warden!" He gave me the evil eye and I joked,"Like what you see?" I could hear Kelsey snicker. "Sit.Now.",said the teacher. When he said that I sat Indian style [What do you mean "Indian" style? I am trying so hard not to curse out my younger self. I should have written "sat with crossed legs", but my 2013 self thought it was called that because I asked my parents what it was called. I sincerely apologize if this came across as offensive. As an adult, I know the correct way to describe body positions, and as a writer, this is ridiculous.] in front of his desk. He knows how sarcastic I can be. [Wow, you're so cool because you are disrespectful!]

"Ms.Allison?"

"Yeah?"

"Get up now or you get detention!"

"Fine,fine!"

Kelsey helped me up,and we headed to our seat which were in the back of the class. Mostly we text,eat,or drink back there. I retrieved a text from a blocked number:

I hate you! You better leave.

-Blocked Number

I knew it was Alexandria,but it still hurt. I replied:

Hahaha! You think I care! XD [Are you kidding me?]

-Me

After ten minutes of texting,I fell into a daze while looking out the window.

Kayden's POV ((bet you didn't expect that!:D))

Man, Kelsey is different. Normally every girl wants me to hit on them. I am going to change that at the end of this summer.

"Joshua,do you think Kelsey might like me?"

"Don't say that girl's name ever again!!"

"Answer the question."

"No. She isn't into 'preps'." [I want to strangle my 12 year old self so bad.]

Crap.

Chapter 4

Kelsey's POV

"Meanie!"[And that's on self censoring.],I said while looking at the text. There was 5 minutes until school ends,and our teacher didn't care. The text was from a blocked number. It was the same exact one Alli got. It was most likely from Alexandria and I knew it. My 9th hour teacher didn't care if we texted,talked,or ran around. I leaned over to Cee-Cee and said,"Read this." I gave her my iPhone and watched her read it. I would NEVER give ANYONE my phone unless I trusted them.

"Do you know who it is?"

"Yeah..",I replied.

"Who?"

Then at that moment Alexandria came bursting in,"We need Kelsey in the office." I glared at her and slumped out. "What do they need me for?" "I don't know and I don't care." "Wow. Who peed in your Cheerios?"[I thought I was a comedian.] Then she slapped my hard on the cheek. [Look! Violence being used because of poor writing skills! Our favorite!] "Tha heck?", I said while massaging my cheek. "I saw you talking to Kayden this morning.",she stepped closer to me," Just remember he is mine." "He was hitting on me!" I dashed down the halls trying to get away from the brat.Once I got to the office the principal caught my arm tight,and walked me to his office. "Why am I here,Mr.Freeman?",I asked. He then opened his office door to expose Allison sitting there. "What did you do this time?",I muttered. [I love that this dialogue is one huge paragraph. It totally doesn't make it hard to read or understand! It's perfect! Wow!]

Allison's POV

I was just sitting there running my fingers through my hair. The door the burst open and I saw Kel being dragged into here. "What did you do this time?",she muttered to me. I mouthed,"Nothing." She rolled her eyes and was thrown into the chair next to me. "Now, you girls have been up to no good lately!",recalled the principal,"We,the staff,[Excuse me while I cackle at this for no reason.] are sick of it! We can't let you graduate." I jumped up,"WHAT?!? We haven't done swat!" Riverdale High[UM. EXCUSE ME WHAT? "Riverdale High?" CW's Riverdale didn't come out until 2017. Did I predict Riverdale and its bad writing?] was the best school in the state,so if we can't graduate,we'd have to leave!

"I'm sorry girls we saw you spray paint my car this morning."

"We need proof!"

He turned to a moniter and rewinds some footage. 7:53 am. It showed two teens spraying the truck pink. "That ain't[Gag.] us!",screamed Kelsey," We were in the nurse's office at that time!"

He then got up,"Stay!" After a good 4 minutes he came in blushing,"I'm sorry girls about this mix up."[Well that was resolved fast...] "You better be.", I said under my voice. "Can we go?",whined Kel. "Yeah. You two can go home now." As we exited the wicked witch of the Wests (get it?)[Oh no, don't worry. We got it.]approached us. "Bye girls.",she said I'm a snobby voice. "Need some tissues with that snot?",said Kelsey.[This is so annoying to read. I can feel my English degree evaporating, and I haven't even graduated yet.]She then walked away. Waiting behind that metal door stood Kayden.

"What do you want?",said Kelsey.

"Give me another chance,please?"

She smiled and looked at him like she loved him,"Ummm...",she pauses while biting her lip. He looked like he was child getting a bag of jellybeans."N-O!" She pushed him,grabbed my hand,and we ran.[I hate these characters so much.] I turned back to see him chasing us. "DUDE!!!LEAVE HER ALONE!", I screamed. As we got out of the school, we both looked back to see no Kayden. "What is wrong with him? He never noticed me til now?",said Kel. "Desperate.",I laughed.[Of all of the "burns" I tried to pull off in this godforsaken story, this was probably the only good one, and I know for a fact that I did not intend it as a burn on the main character.] Kelsey joined the laughing. That was awesome. [What was? Running away from someone or the laughing?]

[This story is horrible. I have no clue why so many people have read it and thought it was good. I'm going to unpublish it soon, so get ready for that, I guess.]