The Directioners Forte

No. 29

Imagine - Had To Leave [L.T]

'Looser, burden, no one in here likes you.'

These were what the voices in my head always said. More like, what people in my school said.

'Go and die, you're just another headache.'

This is what my father says.

I stare at myself, in the reflection of the mirror above the sink.

'You don't deserve to be loved by anyone, you can die, nobody will care.'

I look at my right hand, which is having a grip of a paper knife.

A kick on my back, I fall on the ground. Another kick on my side, another one on my left side of the face.

I place the sharp thing against my skin of my left hand.

'You don't deserve him, bitch. He's just using you, yes he is. Cuz nobody loves you and he, do you really think he really loves you? Gross.'

I pull it hard against my skin. One more time I pull it. Another time, and another, again, and again. And there goes the blood drop on the floor again.

And here I break my promise again. I can't keep the promise that I made to the person I love the most? And I think I deserve his love?

'What are these (y/n)?' He asks, 'Nothing, just er...got cut by...uh...paper...yeah its just a paper cut.' I lie. 'You think you can fool me? Well then idiot, these are not paper cuts, because if they were then it would be only 'a' cut, not several cuts at one place.' He says, I just keep quiet, I didn't have anything to say. 'Stop doing these. I know what you have to go through everyday but you have me! You don't have to think about what those brats say! Or even your dad! Just think you have me!'. I just stare at that pretty face of his. Looking at his face alone brings smile on my lips, so I give him a faint smile. 'Promise me a thing.' he says, 'Yeah, that I'll not cut again?' I ask, 'Yes...', 'okay I promise.'

I dont really deserve him, he's far too good for me. He's so popular, so talented, so beautiful, just so good.

And then there's me. Hated by everyone. ugly. Another piece of shit in this world.

I turn around to face the tiled wall of my bathroom, and hit it hard with my head, and repeat it three more times. Sometimes just cutting my hands don't make the pain go away. So I hit it one more time, this time a bit hard. I feel something warm flow down from my forehead to my cheek, then it drops in the ground which was already having a few droplets of blood.

Now my head was feeling heavy, my vision was getting blurry. Thank god I locked the door, or the screams and shouts would wake up my dad. Yes, it is around 4 am in the morning I guess. But I couldn't sleep because of the nightmares. So I was here, easing myself.

My head felt very heavy, I fell on the ground and just laid there.

'Go kill yourself already.'

'You'll live! Because you have me (y/n)!'

I got up and sat on the ground and reached out my hand to the sink and my hands scanned around, near the tap and finally grabbed the thing. A bottle full of salt. I always kept it there because of this.

I took a pinch of the salt from the bottle and rubbed it hard against the wounds, as I let out a shout.

My heart was finally feeling a bit light so I got up and smiled to myself a bit. I went to my bed, and slowly laid down. I looked under my pillow for my mobile and saw the time, I had three hours before school so I decided I might just lay down a bit.