Love, Dad

16. Giving You Back

Not that it was exactly comfortable, camping out on the couch with minimal space, but I still enjoyed it more than sleeping in bed with him. Why? Because in bed I would sometimes wake up and there would be miles in between us, whereas now he was right on top me, where he'd fallen asleep last night. My arms were still draped around him, heavy with sleep, and I could still feel where my skin tingled against his. I was the first to wake, I could garner that by the way he continued to breathe lightly on my chest, oblivious to the real world. For only a second I wondered what he dreamed before I remembered that I no longer had to—I knew his dreams.

Levi was peaceful where he was, and though I couldn't see his face, I'd witnessed it in this state enough times to picture it clearly in my head. The truth was that I was often the first one to rise, and most times I would just lay there, happy to simply watch him go on sleeping, happy to see him so unguarded like that. Not that he was ever really all that guarded, but even a man as carefree as him warranted some defenses. Maybe I just liked starting out every day waking up next to him—it was certainly something that I could get used to, something that I never wanted to end.

Outside the sun was new in the sky, I could tell by the baby blues it bathed the room in, and all was quiet. For the most part, anyways. The wind blew softly, sounding the chimes that hung on the porch, and a bird sang its tune from wherever it had nested. Not even the hands of the clock seemed to make any noise as they went around in endless circles, alerting me that at some point I had to begin my day. Bertha would arrive soon, dad would need to be gotten up, and I would need to call someone about the window. Too many things to disrupt this perfect moment I was having.

But it didn't have to end just yet, and I would remain unburdened for the remainder of it. Shifting myself gently, I rubbed one hand on Levi's back where the blanket had rolled down to reveal his bare skin, and with the other I petted his hair. It didn't take long before he was roused from his slumber, and he stretched on top of me before looking up sleepily and going in for a kiss. I did not let him free from the embrace right away, wanting to enjoy it for as long as I could. When I did release him, he cuddled up back on my breast where he had been before, placing his lips there as well.

"Is it time to get up already? I don't want to." As he glanced up at me again with only one eye open, he gave me a sleepy grin.

"We've still got some time," I could only manage to tug the corners of my mouth up slightly, too distracted by his radiance.

"Well in that case," he slid his hand down my stomach and I laughed.

"Not that much time, I'm afraid. Besides, dad's probably awake in his room by now." Catching his hand in mine, I held it there. With a short chuckle of his own he went back to being stationary, not saying anything. It was nice, to just exist right here, right now. No words, no movement, just the tranquil sounds outside and the pastel hues to paint us as naked as we'd come into this world. If I had one wish I knew I would use it to make where we were last forever, because I never wanted to leave it.

"When are you going to tell him?" Levi finally spoke something through his yawn, scratching the back of his head in the process before returning his hand back where it rightfully belonged—in mine.

"I don't know, I'm still working up to it." My response was quick, knowing there was no point in putting off the answer. Yes, I still had yet to tell dad that Levi was more than just my friend, and I had been feeling worse about that as of late. It was no longer just about my being afraid to hurt him, to alienate him when I'd worked so hard to regain my standing in his eyes. Now I felt like I was robbing Levi, of all that we could be—should be. I felt like it somehow cheapened our love because I had to hide it away like this, too afraid to stand up and fight for it. But true to his way, he was supportive of me.