"Come on Nick, you know that's not fair!"
"How is it not fair! I literally just downed 15 marshmallows in one go, so I win!"
Our giggles echo correspondingly with each other as we bring more marshmallows to our mouths. I whine more than giggle because Nick was always better than me in this game. Well, actually he was always better at everything, like homework, or never being naughty or never having gotten detention for stupid, miniature things like scratching the school's desks or climbing up trees. His mum always said 'I love you' and his dad was always around, baking different, flavored cakes for his birthdays and reading him a bedtime story every night.
And I was always the one with the lifer where everything went wrong. We were like two separated twins in birth, where one went to live the perfect life with the loving family, and I ended up with a single mother, dyslexic and with a permanent urge to always get myself in trouble.
But that's why I had Nick. He would always get me on the right track when I would swivel away on the ice of life sometimes. He held me by the hand when I fell of my bike for the first time and cried. And he held me by the hand when my dad left and never even turned back one time to look at the little girl he was abandoning for a better life with another woman.
Nick always promised me, since that day, that he would never leave me - but he was wrong, and he turned to be the naughtiest out of the two of us. Because out of the naughtiest things I had ever done, unlike him, I would never break a promise so important to both of us. Not ever.
And here he is. Years later, trying to get back in my life again like nothing has changed. What he does not get, is that since he left everything changed. My feelings for him changed. My whole world changed. Because even when I tried to become a new person without him and move on, anything I did still reminded me of him and how we grew up with the comfort of each other.
When my dad tried to come back into me and my mum's lives again, he wasn't there to hold my hand when my mum told him to leave. He wasn't there to hold my hand when my heart was breaking. And he wasn't there to hold my hand when I started to lose every ounce of faith and trust that I had in the species of men when my insane dad tried to murder my mum right in front of me.
He wasn't there to hold my hand, when I watched my father be locked up in a nuthouse, and my mother sleep her life away in the bed she used to share with the man she used to love.
How am I supposed to let Nick back into my life, when my own mother couldn't let the love of her life, the father of her child, back for one more chance? I get that it's not the same thing, that Nick was more loving to me than my dad ever was to her, but watching my mum lose all her faith in men, makes me fear that I too might end up snoozing my life away on a bed and a heartbreak, similar to hers.
What am I supposed to do when my heart is longing to have him back into my life, but my fears catch up to me every time I think of the people that I love? I perhaps prefer to have never been loved in the first place - because never knowing what it feels like and living my life without ever feeling the feeling of being loved, is better than once upon a time having that feeling, and then losing it in a click of my dad's gun.
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NEXT ON 'WORTH IT':
"I don't get how you can be so harsh after what we've been through!"
"You have no idea of how many more things I've been through without you, and honestly I don't want you in my life any longer."
"Oh and you think my life was even better out there?"
"What, with the fame and the girls and the money, you weren't happy Nick? Is that what you are saying? Because last time I checked, the popular magazines, and the famous tv hosts, can very well confirm you have had a great life without me!"
"Every single day of every year I was away from you, I missed you even more. And I was hurting every time I thought of the life I had left behind. Of the girl that I left behind. I'm so sorry Freya -"
"Just don't! You aren't even worth it anymore Nick..."
*****
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Worth it - Nick Robinson Fanfiction
RomanceNick Robinson. He's gorgeous. With a smile to die for, and plumb lips that make you dread for them to kiss yours. He is also my best friend, at least was until everything changed when he left for Hollywood and got his first acting gig in "Melissa...
