Meet Me At Rosy's (phanfiction university au)

Chapter 11 (trigger warning)

I like this song it makes me cry and it kind of reminds me of this part a little I guess

--TRIGGER WARNING---

I stayed up all night studying for exams. I was drinking, it was a stupid idea. But that morning at 5 am, I decided to kill myself.
My thighs and wrists were scarred, my brain was messed up.
I called Dan from slight drunkenness, and informed him of what I was about to do. "Hey Dan, I don't want to live anymore... And I-I know you don't love me anymore... And I'm afraid you'll find out about Nathan.."
"Hello?" Dan replied groggily. "You and Nathan what...? You don't want to... Live?"
"I- I'm gonna jump off the-the bridge. The big one. I'm gonna die, finally. So... Bye forever, Danny," I hung up. I wasn't as drunk as I could be, but enough to mess up my decision making.
I hurried out of the building and off campus. I stumbled along the dark streets, excited to end my life. I wore no jacket, no warm clothes on this chilly March morning. That sun had not risen, and I was thankful for the lack of light. People couldn't see my ugly face. There was a few people, if you were wondering. Morning run freaks (seriously, why would you do that????), homeless people, drunk people stumbling home after a night in the bar, and more.
I saw the bridge ahead of me, picking up my pace. Once I got to the edge, I sat, staring the endless black pool of nothing.
I contemplated what my life had been, leaning against a beam. My life was all tripping, mistakes, regret, and embarrassment. The only good part of my life I could remember was being with Dan. Dan was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Dan... Dan gave me a reason to smile, a reason to wear brighter colours, a reason to be happy, a reason to live, and a love so strong I couldn't see a future without it. Now, I would have no future. So I guess I wouldn't necessarily have a future without Dan. I would be with him, he just wouldn't know it or care, is what I concluded.
I stood up with shaky legs on the thick railing, still holding on the the beam next to me.
"PHIL!" A voice I recognized very well called out. I turned around to see Dan sprinting faster than I had ever seen anyone run.
I prepared myself for the jump, or fall, rather. I began to lean forward, Dan only meters away. He reached me just as I began to fall forward, catching my hand. I dropped a few feet, being held up by Dan's hands.
"Phil," He panted. "Please, don't let go of life. I didn't... This is all my fault."
My own tears dropped at the sound of his voice cracking under fear. He was sobbing, struggling to hold me up with his sweaty hands.
"Phil... Please help me pull you up," He wheezed. "I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. I can't... I have lost so much in life."
"O-okay," I agreed reluctantly, beginning to pull myself up. Then, it all happened so fast. My foot slipped on the slippery stone bridge, My hand slid out of Dan's tight grip, I fell to the deep dark depths, and I heard Dan's breaking voice calling my name and a splash following my own.
Splashing, struggling, thrashing, dragging, paddling, screaming. I was in Dan's arms on the bank, him cradling me and wailing.
"I-I..." I cried. But I fell too hard. I blacked out to the sound of Dan's sobs. His helpless cries that I would do anything to prevent.

~~

I woke up in a hospital bed, not knowing where I was. I slowly recalled all of the events from the early morning. Dan must've called the ambulance when he heard my phone call from this morning. Or yesterday... How long was I asleep?
"Hey Phil," A soft and sweet voice said. "You're up."
I yawned and nodded. "Where's Dan?"
"Dan's in another room," The nurse told me. He grabbed a clipboard and sat in a rolling stool next to my bed. "Could you tell me what happened this morning?"
"Uh, sure. So... I was stressed, a little drunk, and I have depression. I thought it would be a good idea to, uh, kill myself. I called up Dan, and told him about it. Dan is my boyfriend and best friend, but I thought he didn't love me anymore, so I kind of gave up on him. I told Dan I was going to the bridge to commit suicide, and I guess he followed me. I jumped off but he caught me hand, but then his hand slipped and I fell into the water right as I decided I wanted to live to be with him. He jumped in after me, I guess. And then I-I blacked out."
"Thank you," The nurse smiled.
I sighed, sinking into my pillow. I rubbed my collar bone from the pain coursing through it. My body shook at the thought of dying when Dan proved he cared so much. Then the tears fell. I couldn't stop crying. The nurse had left by now, so I was sobbing alone in my hospital bed.
The next day, I woke up to see multiple nurses examining me. I had a broken clavicle, which they had not diagnosed before .
"Hello Phil," A nurse with blonde hair to her shoulders said. "We think that Dan is well enough to visit you today. He can come at lunchtime."
"Thank you so much," I smiled. I lifted my arm to see I had a sling to support my collar bone. I also had bandaged wrists and thighs, I realized. They were for my cuts. I cringed at my near-past ignorant self.
I slept until 11:00, too impatient to wait for Dan.
I woke up to the sound of fussing outside my room. Through the blurred window, it looked like an old man trying to fight against the doctors. A scream rang out and then slow, old sobs. I felt no empathy for that man, but for the doctors for having to go through this stuff every day.
"Hey, hey," A sweet voice sang. "Let's go back to your room and I'll let you sleep. We don't want to wake the other patients."
Too late, I thought. I checked the clock in my room to find it was 11:02, and I sighed. They were two whole minutes late!
"Phil?" The first nurse opened my door. "Dan's here."
A smile formed on my face and I pushed myself up.
A thin and pale figure walked in with the help of crutches. He searched around the room for a place to sit and the nurse brought a chair from the far corner of the room next to my bed. Dan took a seat in it and made eye contact with me.