100 theme challenge

16. Questioning

Why should I wear this kind of stuffs?
Why should I smile so brightly to people I don't know?
Why should I learn things that I don't like?
Why can't I have my own joy to do my passion?

She closed the door behind her and turned its key, sealed her sanctuary from the strangers outside. Tears were pouring down from her eyes as she cried her heart out as quite as she could. She bit her upper lips to muffle her sobs, tried her best not to draw any attention from people outside. After all, this was her duty as the first daughter.

Why can't I become myself?

Arranged marriage was a common thing in her time, especially for the oldest daughter in a big family like hers. By marriage, she would be able to help funding her family, and helping her sisters to have a proper spouses to do the same thing. This was how they use females in their family to add some extra wealth to their warehouse, and that was the main reason why they taught their females to be dumb and beautiful, with a 'humble' attitude that in fact necessary since those females didn't understand every single words their counterpart said. They were educated only to enticed some rich man and lure them into their trap, behind the title of 'a good housewives'.

She was 15 that time, and her family thought that she was ready to be a wife since she was shed her blood already. One thing that her family didn't know was she had her own plan for her life. She wanted to be a writer, travelling around the world to meet people and wrote things about them. And for that, she dreamed to be a missionary.

When her family found out, a rough slap was all she got. Two days after that, every kind of man, from young scholars to tradesman older than her own father, came to her house, scrambled for her hand like people scrambled in an auction. It disgusted her, for she realized that the only thing matter for these people was her body. That was the first time she started to question about her value as a human being, and it really broke her heart that tears was started to falling down before she realized what was actually happened. She then ran back to her chamber, fixed her make up, and returned as nothing happened. With a big smile she said that she was having something in her eyes but then she was alright.

Please stop. I'm not your doll.

Years had passed and she was all alone now. She sat on her bench looked out through the window to her beautiful garden. No more demanding parent, no trimming husband, and no children. Not a single one. All alone in her home, doing whatever her want to do, from writing, painting, playing her beloved piano, and even gardening. She was happy, not by her marriage but by how could she manage to survive.

She was lucky, at least for a young woman in that time. She married a wealthy young scholar and move to the cold northern land, far away from her family. Two years later, her husband died at war, leaving her alone with all of his wealth. Hearing this, her family persuaded her to come back, so they could arrange another marriage for her. But this time she refused.

When her family pressures became unbearable, she took the bravest step in her live. She sold almost all of her properties, leaving a small country house and a farm for her old days, and went away to see the world, far away from every single member of her family. Being childless was so handy for her. She never stay in the same place more than a week and, not like another widows, she didn't need to worry about her children since she didn't have one.

"Live is full of choices," she said when a young mom asking about her family. "I choose to be freed from a so demanding family, and since I was taught only to be a demanding mom, it will be a shame if I create another sad and unsatisfied little soul like mine. I'm working my all to be happy, and this is my way of being happy. You just don't have to know any detail of it,"