more than just surviving » clexa au

9

lexa's POV

I leaned my body against the doorframe as I gazed up to the sky. The sun was slowly rising and a small smile spread on my lips. My mother used to sing me a lullaby while we sat on the balcony while we watched the sunrise. It was calming.

Now I have to watch the sunrise by myself.

I heard an angelic laughter from a far and I had to squint my eyes at the big tree across the house to try to figure out who was sitting under the tree. My eyes finally fixated on the person and I realized there were two of them under the tree.

I frowned when I saw Clarke and Bellamy sitting under the tree.

Wasn't Bellamy with Murphy though?

I may or may not be the kind of person who thinks everyone is in a relationship with everyone they talk to and is delusional. I would ship them but that's my love right there. And shipping your crush with someone else is just... weird.

I watched them for a while.

I watched as Clarke lightly hit him in the arm with a laugh. Bellamy, though, was smiling lovingly at her. They looked like a couple. But did Clarke forget that she was gay? I'm kidding. She isn't gay, but I wish she was. Maybe she is, I don't know.

How would I know?

I'm just her forgotten ex-bestfriend after all.

"They're just friends, you know?" I heard a someone say softly  and I turned my head slightly to see Octavia approaching me.

"I know that." I said with a deep frown.

In the corner of my eye, I see Octavia studying my face with a concentrated frown on her face. Why do people always think I have a thing for Clarke? Just because I do doesn't mean I do.

Crap.

Wait.

Was I really that obvious?

"Your face doesn't seem like it knows," She muttered and I looked at her. She looked genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine, Octavia." I said but her expression didn't change making me sigh and almost glare at her. "Why would I care anyways?"

"Because you like her." I gaped at her and didn't even bother to deny it. "You look at her as if she's the most precious thing in the world. You are smitten for her, Lexa." She explained and smiled genuinely. Her eyes were flashing sincerity which suprised me because usually it flashed playfulness.

I just stared at her and couldn't help but realize that she was right, and that I was, indeed, smitten for the blonde girl, whom I've adored since we met. She had always been so confident back then. I was envious of it but I chose to be her bestfriend.

I chose to be the cool girl's bestfriend, instead of being the shy girl. Well, I was really shy but that changed after the war. I've seen and heard lots of terrible stuff from my father's office. He was always plotting stuff and ordering people to bomb this and that.

It was a horrible thing for a child who didn't understand anything.

After the war, Clarke forgot about me and she just... became this girl who was... normal. She wasn't the confident girl I knew and she wasn't shy either. She was just... she was just Clarke.

But I still didn't understand how she forgot about me. Unless she was suffering from something, then it's impossible to just forget. I have been with her almost in her whole childhood so she should remember me... but she doesn't.