Everything I Didn't Say

Memories

Taking every breath away
With all of the mistakes I've made
From all the letters that I saved
This is everything I didn't say

Hey Marco,
it's not all bad sometimes, you know? Sure, it's mostly memories I'm holding on to, but they're beautiful and everything I have.
I think I'll write them all down, so I won't ever forget a single one of them. They're too precious when my mind just constantly gets invaded by plans, strategies and new techniques.
Furthermore I made sure to never forget your face and all your detailed expressions.
I started drawing again. I had to. Some pieces are still in progress, but my favourite ones where I tried to capture your features when I told you I loved you for the first time; your gorgeous laugh; the little blush that dusted your cheeks whenever you were embarassed that made your freckles look like little stars that stood out against your soft skin and, not to forget, the way you looked at me whenever I made a silly joke or when I ranted about the most pointless things (I knew you weren't listening, but you looked so very content zoning out into your own little world).
It was an expression I still don't think I deserved. It was so loving, so endearing, like I was that one person you completely lost your heart to, but didn't mind one bit. Your gaze was so damn intense it never failed to get me blushing. I don't think someone else ever had that effect on me.
I loved you to pieces, Marco - I still do, but I could never get used to being loved by you. Your way of loving was so throughout, so pure, so heartfelt; hoe could I ever take this kind of honest affection for granted?
This warm feeling always returns when I look up at your star, Marco. It gives me strength. It warms my heart. It makes me fwel closer to you. Well, the closest I can get for a while... but that's completely alright with me. I know you'll be waiting for me.
Until then, I won't forget a single thing about you, about us.
I love you.
Always in my heart,
Jean xx