[TAENYFic] Grow old with me?

4>I lied for ten years

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You are the closest to me so I told you alot about myself. But I told you lies too. Would you still trust me?
I told you I love blue because of the sky, I lied.
I told you I didn't understand whenever you were talking about other people because my korean was bad but I lied.
I told you I wanted to change rooms to get to know the rest, I lied.
I told you I would always be your best friend but I lied.
I told you that I'm fearless, I lied.
I told you I only held your hand because you were the nearest and I didn't want to get lost but I lied.

I never cared about colours but the day we met you were wearing blue and I assumed it was your favourite colour so I told you it was mine.
I didn't want to hear you talk about how those people have something that I don't because it made me feel like I wasn't enough for you.
I started relying too much on you too fast. I needed distance but I started needing you more then.
You started loving someone and I pretended to have someone too. I clung on to the title because that was closest we could be.
I've always been afraid since I met you. Still am. Afraid that I might make a mistake, that you would notice and you would disappear.
You hands were the warmest I held. It gave me comfort and you made my heart skipped every time you held my hands tighter. When you let go, my heart felt dead.
Would you still love me If you knew I desired you? That I wanted us so desperately to mean the same thing when you said I was more than your best friend. Because right now, nothing is enough. Not the hugs. Not holding your hands. Not the words.
So right now, I'll create a little space so we can be who you want us to be. It doesn't matter what because there's no way you might love me as much as I do. I'll try my best to feel as you do but this emotions wont go away. So throughout everything that I said, when I say that you were my 'Happy Virus', I didn't lie, you're the reason I smile. You told me you love him but he never made you smile so how could I lose to someone that could never make you happy. The day he and I broke up, I felt guilty. Guilty because even though I tried to love him, you were always in my heart. And when he and I parted I felt relieved because that meant that I didn't have to lie anymore. Then you did the same. I felt my heart soar and I held your hand tighter so I could never lose you again.
It's because when I told you that I wasn't interested in anyone, I lied. I was in love with that someone for ten years. I've been lying for ten years.