Boombox

And in the Darkness I'll Meet My Creators || two

Do || And in the Darkness I'll Meet My Creators || Do

I could feel the heat of the sun piercing through my skin and burning me awake, yet I took my sweet salve time of the stretching-up-then-yawning-my-mouth-so-wide-open-thousdands-of-hundreds-of-bugs-could-fly-in movement before actually standing on my feet. We owned no mirrors whatsoever, so I never knew how terrible I looked when I unlocked the door of the room and quietly snuck outside. Guessing by the amount of women awake in our alleyway, the estimating time was probably 5 to 6 am. The men usually sleep till late morning so the women have plenty of time to gossip and talk freely before those scums wake up and start acting like we're an army squad existing to serve them. These thoughts escape my mouth only when I'm with Nirvan, he's the son of a neighbouring family. I've known him for quite some time to fully trust him.

Almost immediately, I spot Nirvan sitting by the river and notice his posture and could only guess that he has a hook and he's been fumbling with it since dawn.

I quietly sit beside him and nudge his shoulder; he looks up and goes back to what he was doing.

"You didn't wake me today." I say.

I hear him breathing sharply which causes me to frown and turn my attention from the sea of pigeons on the other side of the lake to him.

"Nalini, I'm being forced." Is what he says and I know what he means and it almost causes me to break down and cry.

Almost.

But my careless façade has proven to work numerous times on many other people and even though Nirvan is the only boy, only human in the world that could see through me, I decide to not let him use that advantage anymore. He knows the impact of those words on me, but I will not show him. I refuse to let him see my pain. Because he's breaking his seven year old promise, he's leaving me.

I get up and dash toward the forest that is located behind the lake which means walking in front of Nirvan, and his lingering gaze causes me to shiver as I force myself to not glance behind me.

I usually wonder what it is with humans and their flaws. In a world of imperfection and wrongs, you seek something that is yet pure and unreachable. In these years that I have lived, despite my belief in a greater purpose for my existence that I would often be called naïve for, I hate how I'm destined for something I do not want. I hate how humans' knowledge is tamed for an unrecognizable limit, I hate how I can't beat infinity and raise myself to the stars I love.

My mind frequently drifts back to the memory of my mother first discovering my fondness of Nirvan and how she persisted me to, and I quote, "tell him now or he will become someone else's." When I asked her what she meant she said, "Don't be silly. A man would never look at you with such love, you're just too naïve. This is a world of give and take; it's the universe golden rule. You're to be disregarded just like dead mice on the side of the roads that nobody bothers to clean. You're just there." That was the first time I started hating her. It was also the beginning of my habit to hum several tunes inside my head whenever she's throwing vulgar insults my way, it became her method to release frustration and it made me grow cold to her.

I lay my head on the bed of grass
and wrap my arms around myself. As I stare at the heavens above with teary eyes and listen to the ghost of the monsters' breaths in the dark I'm surrounded with, I try to tell myself that I'll survive without Nirvan's constant warm hugs and words, but it's useless. So when I cry myself to sleep again tonight, I'm going to make sure that If I can't change my fate, then I'll hate it forever.

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