The Protector

Chapter 6.5: Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't been chosen. I'm very sorry. I didn't know what would happen. If I had, I wouldn't have left. Not if I had known. I hear all these stories about you. How you created a gun that can kill arnything and how you were the greatest hunter of your age. But also, how after I left you became a drunk and a recluse. I'm so sorry, dad. I really am.
I decided I ought to update you on my life. I didn't find my assigned Luiseach. Oh, I suppose you don't really know what that is. They're like these Hunters that specialize in ghosts and demons. I sometimes wish I was one. They get a mentor and a protector. That's what I am, a protector. The job is pretty explanatory.
Anyway, I couldn't find my Luiseach before he died. I was cursed to walk the earth forever, creating bonds and watching people die. I suppose that's fair. In case you were wondering, no, I never settled down. Like father, like daughter, I guess. I don't like children.
Anyway -- I say that a lot, sorry -- I found his descendant. Her name is Paige McKenzie. She's the closest thing to family I have. I've been protecting her since she turned sixteen. There was another protector assigned to her.

The handwriting here grows less perfected and more shaky and sloppy.

His name is Nolan Foster. He did his job. He did his job well. Took his own life to ensure Paige's safety. He died because of me. Because I couldn't exorcise the demon. He died because of me, dad. How could I have done so little? How...
I sold my soul. It was his life for mine. I was in Hell. Daddy, I did what you told me not to. I sold my soul and went to Hell. I'm so sorry. They tortured me there, they'd always ask if I'd like to do the torturing. Always. And I almost gave in. I almost took that poison-laced whip into my hand and brought it down on some other poor soul. How could I even think of doing such a thing? Especially if I knew how badly it hurt? I'm so ashamed.
I was saved. I don't know why, of all those people in that pit like Tartarus, they chose me. Castiel, an angel of the lord, "gripped me tight and raised me from perdition". He could have saved someone with a life worth living, why would he pick someone who feels so dead inside? Who has already lived so many lives? I don't understand.
He, Castiel, assigned me to protect these two guys. Sam and Dean Winchester. There is horrible rumors about them. That one is the antichrist and the other will kill anyone who tries to get close to them. Both are fairly terrifying men and neither seem to need any protection. Particularly from me. I think they have the Colt. I miss Paige.
I think I'm getting sick. I didn't even think that was possible, to be honest. Usually, I can stay up for days on end, but now, I'm always, always, tired. My body aches and I'm getting visibly thinner. I haven't been sick in ages. I think it might be because of Paige. I have read something about a sickness from separation from the Luiseach. But it only effects the protector. I miss her. Every time I dream, it's of Paige. I think I'm getting separation sickness. I need to find her.

Your Daughter,
Leodora Colt

P.S. I miss you more than you could imagine, dad. I love you. I've gone back home, but it's so different now. I guess I should have expected it, but I didn't. I love you, daddy.

an. hello...
it's me
and this chapter isn't really a chapter, I hope you still love me.

I realized that I probably should explain more of Leo's backstory but I didn't want her to tell Sam and Dean quite yet, so hopefully this helps.

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for taking 12 years in Azkaban to update, but I like, lowkey started another spn fix that I like a lot better but I gotta finish this one.

anywho,
have a nice day,
cat