Birds, Words, & Inspiration

The No Fail Investment

People lie, stock markets crash, and life deals harsh and unexpected blows. If you are willing to play an open hand, there are times when you are going to get crushed – like smashed and stacked junkyard crushed.

So then what's next?

Two years ago, after a soap opera style boyfriend betrayal, I thought I knew the answer. Sitting on the kitchen floor with a wet razor blade, my answer to what was next is that you quit, you check out, you go to sleep and you never get up again.

And this scared the shit out of me. I thought I was better than this. I thought I was stronger.

I knew I had to get back on my feet and that I also knew that I didn't believe in myself anymore. In fact, I wasn't sure I knew who I was. I realized that I had to ask other people who I was before I would believe it and that I was only visible when someone else was looking and loving what they saw.

Then I realized that I wasn't ever looking at myself and appreciating the view.

How do we create art, build relationships and put everything we can into what we share with the world if we can't see ourselves and love what we see? How do we find peace if we can't revel in our moments alone and in our head?

So I decided to get into a relationship with myself. It was a weird proposition, but I was desperate to do anything that would get me out of the place I was in. So I started asking myself how my world would be different if I treated myself the way I treated someone who was falling head-over-heels in love with.

I wrote myself some rules. Then for 158 days, the length of time I dated my cheating lying boyfriend, I vowed to date myself the same way.

Here are the rules:

Make promises to yourself that you mean. Then keep them.Find ways to exercise and get outside. Get healthy and strong for yourself.Praise yourself for your successes.Encourage yourself to strive for your best... the way anyone who loves you would.Hold yourself when things are bad. Promise yourself you will do everything in your power to make it better.Remind yourself repeatedly that you are a good person, but no one is perfect. And that you love the imperfect parts too.Be thoughtful. Put gas in the car before you almost run out. Make coffee the night before a busy morning. Do kind things that make life easier.Send cards. Leave yourself adoring and funny notes.Make yourself laugh.Surprise yourself once in a while. Do something spontaneous and awesome.Take yourself out with friends so they can see what an amazing person you're dating.Binge watch new television and commentate out loud.Cook yourself something delicious and sinful for date night every week.Read stories and poetry to yourself out loud.Sing to yourself. Loudly.When you wake say "good morning." Ask yourself how you're feeling. Listen. Say, "I love you."Say "I love you" every night before you drift off to sleep.Smile at yourself with love every time you meet your own eyes in the mirror.Do things that make you feel beautiful, because beauty an attitude and attitude is damn sexy, even when it's your own reflection.When things get rocky, have a talk with yourself. Forgive yourself. Give yourself another chance to be the partner you deserve.

I was determined. I stuck to it and strange things happened.
I started laughing again. I started valuing my own opinion. I started sticking up for myself.

It took time, but I learned to talk to my girlfriend and to get her counsel. And I came to think that she was pretty damn cool and that I really wanted to hang out with her. It was my girlfriend who handled my ex when he inevitably showed up again. It was my girlfriend who insisted that we trap a hawk and start flying again. And I still talk to her sometimes when I don't know to do next. She's more honest with me than anyone I know, and she isn't always right, but she always comes from the right place and I've fallen in love with her anyway. I don't care if she's not perfect. What matters is that I matter to her and she is never going to leave me.

But lately, we haven't been talking as much as we should. And I don't want to lose this relationship. So I pulled out the list, brushed it off, and decided to begin again. It still seems odd, but remember how much of a difference it made the last time.

Perhaps this is the one investment in life where it's guaranteed that your outlay will double, if not triple. Why wouldn't you invest when you know you can't lose?

xxR