I Don't Know How Long I Can Keep Holding On

Chapter 11: The Things I Wish I Could Tell Him

I don't understand you anymore.. we used to be bestfriends and now all of a sudden you don't care whether I'm in your life or not. After everything we've been through and after all the things I've told you.. but you don't give a fuck anymore. When I asked you if we were still friends and all you said was "I don't really care." Really? You don't care? I wish you knew how much I care about you. I wish you knew how much I've done for you and gave up for you and fought for you. I ran track not because I wanted to but because YOU wanted me to. I was offered to help little kids learn how to read during P.E. this year but I didn't because we usually hang out during then and I didn't want you to be alone but little did I know, you weren't gonna hang out with me anyway.

Fuck I forgave you after you stabbed me in the back. And now ever since we "worked it out" we barely even talk. Its like we're barely friends now and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not gonna lie... I really don't care if I lose any of my friends (doesn't include my online friends) but when it comes to you I care SOOO MUCH and you don't even care about our friendship. I'm so tired of having to feel this way because of you. I'm tired of feeling like you don't wanna be my friend. If you don't wanna be friends then why the fucking hell are you my friend. Why did you even start hanging out with me 4 years ago. Why did you let me get so attached to you. Why did you promise that you would always be there for me. Why did you help me with my depression last year.

You're probably at home right now having fun. Texting your girlfriend and doing whatever the fuck you wanna do. And you probably still don't know how I feel. But you know what? I am so fucking tired of letting you control the way I feel. Its like my world revolves around you and I am so FUCKING tired of it. I'm done with you and everything that has to do with you. For now on when you try to call me I'm sending you to voicemail just like you do to me. When you try to talk to me about your problems at school I'm gonna change the subject just like you do me. Whenever starts talking bad about you I'm gonna join in, just like you do me. I'm tired of forgiving you every time I turn around. I used to think you were a true friend but now I see all you are is a manipulative bitch. Fuck you.

-R