Thought But Never Spoken

Friend but Foe

One question. Always constantly running through my head. Who can I tell my greatest accomplishments and inner fears? Who can I tell my deepest, darkest secrets? This is where I really never know.

War paint. Everyone wears their own war paint. Sometimes people get so lost in their mask they forget what it is like to just be themselves. Bit by bit, the paint eats away at you, altering you. The paint soon becomes part of you and can't go a day without it.

How would I know? Oh yes, I have my own "war paint" too. The ice box, that's me. I pretend to not care and not let anyone in. It's just me, myself, and I. But then there are those few people that I do let into my life. The kind that if I lost it would ruin me for quite a long time. When I give my full trust to someone, it is truely something special. After being cold to others, it is amazing to have someone close.

Then there are the friendships you have to make. Either for popularity, peer pressure, sports, or just because your mother made you. You can come close to some kind of close friendship but it will always come back to bite you in the hind end. Turn on you in a blink of an eye. From experience I thought I could tell one of these friends anything, only to find out I was so wrong. Betrayal is the worst. False trust. A friend but foe.

I can't give them the cold shoulder and be rude to them though. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. So in other words surround yourself with haters so you can be successful. Brilliant. It is harder than it looks. Another side to this could be positive though.

Me wanting to be better and best them motivates me to bust my butt. I will see them fall. But I will have to be a good team player in the process. Here is another one: kill them with kindness. It can be one of the hardest things to do; having kindness. Being kind to those who want to see me fail seems like the hardest thing to do in the world. Play with them and support them while all they do is talk behind my back. I guess I just have to remind myself that this is just the trials of life.

But when I am slowly bring drowned from the trials of reality, will someone throw me a life saver? But as I drown, I wonder could I make it to the surface alone? A life saver won't be the relief I'm looking for, they float on top of the water and barely scratch the surface of what is inside of me. Sometimes I need a lifeguard. Someone to dive deep down and save this hopeless soul.