Going Under | Sitkolson [C]

2. NUMB

I woke to my brother poking my ribs, causing me to let out a groan and roll over.

"Dev, go away." I mumbled, burying my head into the pillow.

"Ricky," He whined, "Josh and Vinny are coming over soon."

I sighed, rolling onto my back, "Can you at least make me a coffee?"

He glared at me before rolling his eyes, giving my ribs one last poke before leaving the room, Angelo later filling in his place.

"How're you?" He asked, sitting at the end of the bed.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, "Okay, I guess. I just... Dev's only seventeen. He shouldn't have to hear all of that."

Angelo smiled, hitting my leg a few times, "I know you want to look out for him because he's your brother, Ricky, but you also need to think about yourself," I turned my head to the side so I could see him without sitting up, frowning at him, "You've taken care of Devin since he was nine years old. Since you were eleven you've had to look after the two of you on your own."

My frown deepened, "What're you getting at, Ange?"

He looked down, a small smile on his face, "Well, you and Devin are like the brothers I never had... Why don't you guys just move in?"

I sighed, shaking my head, "Phil will kill me. I'd rather not bring you and your family into this, Ange."

"Ricky," Angelo whispered, "You can't see what you look like at school. Living in the environment you do is destroying you. Just, please, think about Devin. Do you-"

"I'm always thinking about Dev, Ange," I snapped, keeping my voice above a whisper, "I know he can't live there. But if we both leave... nothing will end well. That's why he's going to stay here whilst I don't."

A figure by the door caused my eyes to snap up to it, meeting Devin's confused and angry eyes.

All I had ever wanted to do was protect Devin. He's my brother. I wasn't going to let him be raised in that place any longer. He may be almost two years younger, but that doesn't mean I won't protect him from Phil and Tara. Never would I ever let him get hurt. Just like I wouldn't with any of my friends. That's why I decided to finalise everything.

"You're staying here with Angelo until it's safe or until I can buy an apartment or something." I said, sitting up in my bed.

"And what about you?" He snapped, his eyes confused, angry, and sad, "You really think I'm letting you back there? You'll-"

With a small grunt, I threw the blanket off of me, walking to where Devin was.

I grabbed the coffee cup out of his hands, taking a gulp before placing it on the drawer beside me, turning back to him.

"Dev, you have to," I whispered, "It's not safe their for you and you know it."

"It's not safe for you, either, Ricky."

I sighed, looking down, "I know... But, I'll be here before you even know it."

"Promise?" Devin held his pinkie out, just like when we were kids.

I rolled my eyes, "You're seventeen, Devin."

He raised an eyebrow, slightly glaring as he moved his hand forward.

I rolled my eyes, linking our pinkies together with a small 'promise'.

When Devin and I were kids, almost everything revolved around pinkie promises. Whether it was because he was scared during really bad thunder storms at ten years old, or because he didn't want me to ever leave him with Phil and Tara at thirteen, we'd always make promises. I just didn't expect us to be in–almost– senior year and still make them. Senior year...

Senior year is in less than a week. To say I'm excited would be a severe understatement. Severe.

Sure, I'm used to high school by now, but it's the people and teachers at high school.

Teachers think that when you're sad, you'll open up to them. Students will just laugh at you for crying about getting bullied. They've done it to Devin and Angelo.

I didn't let those guys get away, though.

I may not be the toughest kid at school, because I, too, put up with the shit other students give me, but I don't let them get away with hurting my family. I hoped that this year would be different. Hoped.

• • •

I sighed, peeling my hoodie off as I came back from saying good bye to Devin, giving him a few rules whilst staying with Angelo.

He was a little against the whole thing, but I reminded him that I promised.

Honestly, I wanted nothing more than to leave this place. I knew that if I did, though, Phil would just become even angrier. If I were to leave, he'd know exactly where I would go. That's why I decided to wait it out.

Just as I was about to remove my shirt, my door was busted open, Phil and Tara standing there, both fuming.

"Where's your brother." Tara asked, glaring at me.

I turned around, walking to my dresser, "Away from you two, that's for sure."

"How dare you think that-"

I cut Tara off, spinning back around to face her, "You treat a bottle of beer better than him," I spat, "Don't expect to see him anytime soon."

Phil pushed Tara to the side, making his way to me.

Before I, or he, could say anything, his fist connected with my jaw, then his foot with my leg.

I fell to the ground with a yell, squeezing my eyes shut as I let him beat me, not fighting back one bit.

There was a part of me that wanted to fight, but I was so sick. Sick of the beating, the lying, sick of living.

I was numb. His beatings had no longer hurt me. After, they would leave bruises and scars, but I couldn't feel a thing. That's why I stayed; When he hit me, I couldn't feel it. I'd rather stay here and get beat the rest of my life than have Devin get hit once. That's why he's with Angelo.