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Chapter 19

I shut off the light to the kitchen, glancing over to the guest room door, a place I haven't entered in a year... I could never bring myself to go in. I always felt like I'd be able to smell him, feel him in there and I knew it would be too much.

It's the strangest thing- to realize you love someone while they're not around.

My eyes flicker over to Stellan, who's blowing out the candles on the coffee table. With the last blow, the room goes dark apart from the moonlight shining in. He stands straight and turns, meeting my rather intense gaze with complete ease.

If anything, he's gotten more utterly stunning in this year apart. His hair is still the way it was when he underwent the makeover- he's kept up with it. He's dressed more casual- more his style and it looks wonderful on him. A complete match.

Finding myself misty-eyed, I shake my head, looking down at the ground as he walks to me slowly. I feel his hand comb through the hair fallen over my face and cup the back of my neck.

"Iris."

I take a deep breath and look up, blinking the water away. "I can't- believe you're here... I never thought I'd see you again."

"... I'm here," he whispers as his lips collide with mine, seeking and desperate. I reach for his t-shirt just as he does, waiting for it to get over his head before our lips connect again. My fingers smooth over his chest, combing through the hairs on his pecks and I realize that I never forgot what he felt like beneath my hands.

I'm smiling to myself when I feel his fingers reach behind me, clasping to the zipper on my dress. It comes down smoothly, ending just above my underwear. He removes my bra easily as I grasp the dress but he shakes his head, breaking apart from my mouth.

"No."

My gaze follows his descent as he bends slowly onto his knees, clasping the material. Snugly fit onto my body, he pulls with some force, his warm lips pressed against the skin just below my belly button. I shiver, humming as the fabric falls around my ankles and his consistent mouth drifts even lower.

His grip is strong on my thigh as he presses his mouth softly on the thin lace of my panties. As his tongue runs slowly down the material, I bite my lip, forcing my gaze to the ceiling.

He then grabs ahold of the only material still clothing my body and pulls it down over my legs, waiting patiently as I step out of them. His hands rise again and his face comes forward onto my already enthralled sex. His tongue is persistent and heady, stimulating every possible nerve in my body even if his focus is one on one part of me.

Coaxing me further with his expertise, I clutch his hair beneath my hands, shaking as his moist tongue glides between my folds.

"Stellan."

His hands tighten on the back of my legs, determined.

"Stellan, I want you. I need you... inside me," I utter, trying to pull him up.

"And you will have me... after I give you this," he answers, his breath hot against my flesh. "Back up against the wall."

I look back, calculating and move back, taking him with me. Once my back presses firmly against the cold wallpaper, I feel his hand curve around my thigh, lifting it. I look down, wide-eyed as he rests my leg onto his shoulder, exposing me further.

His eyes flicker to mine as I feel his fingers slow and steady against my excitement. His finger enters me in one swift thrust and my grip tightens on the kitchen counter beside us.

Torturously, his pace quickens as he leans forward, pressing his tongue against my sensitive nub and I quiver violently, unable to stop myself. My knees shake. My pulse shoots to the sky. I find myself barely able to stand and yet, he doesn't falter.

He makes sure my orgasm lasts and lasts well. I gasp when his lips break apart from my clitoris, his fingers leaving my sex, dripping for him.

I hold his gaze as he rises, clasping my face. I kiss him with a gutted moan, tasting myself on his tongue... I wish I could express what I'm feeling. I wish I could tell him properly.

He grasps my hand suddenly and turns, and I already know where we're headed.

He shuts my bedroom door behind him and turns to look at me- I watch him take in what's in front of him. I've stood in front of men naked before- and yet- no one has ever looked at me like this.

He steps up before me, shaking his head slightly. I press my lips together, feeling the sudden urge to cry. He clasps my face, releasing a breath.

"I've missed you," he whispers, his voice deafening in the silence around us. I nod and press my face to his chest, closing my eyes in relief. Relief that he's here. Relief that we're both willing to gamble our lives for the chance to be together.

His arms come around my shoulders and he cups my head with a hand, pressing his lips to my hair. I hum, kissing his arm, the closest thing I can reach.

We pull back at the same time, both seeking the others lips. We find each other as he moves me back slowly towards the bed. I reach into my drawer as he gets his jeans down over his briefs. I remove the condom from it's wrapper, breathing in deeply as he removes his last article of clothing and reveals to me the body I've yearned to see night after night for a year.

I take the condom and roll it onto his erection, blushing for some strange, unknown reason. His hands grab my wrists gently and he pulls me up enough to lay me down onto the white sheets.

He settles onto me, connecting our mouths first. I sigh contentedly against his lips, running my hands down his back, enjoying the firm curves of it. He enters me slowly, gasping against my lips.

We move together in sync and I relish the feel of his hands gliding across my face or skimming my breasts. He's slow and tender, never hurried.

It hits me hard- how different making love is from sex. I've never known this feeling but I've yearned for it always. The comfort it brings to finally experience it tears me apart, making it impossible not to become emotional.

He moans softly against my lips, cupping my face lovingly. As my tears drift down my cheeks onto his skin, he doesn't look up. He wipes them away- wordlessly. I clamp my eyes tightly together as the orgasm overcomes my body and brain and he spills into me almost at the exact moment, stiff and trembling.

His solid weight settles against mine as we both achieve the ultimate high. I smile softly as his lips press onto my cheek, warmly. I turn my face towards him and open my mouth against his, running my quivering fingers over his relaxed form.