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Chapter 26

The door re-opens hours later, when I'm curled up on his bed in my nightgown, my knees to my chin. I've been waiting here for hours- all day, unmoving, loathing myself for pushing him away again.

I can't seem to win. I'm successful- I have a lot of money- many connections... Is that a crime? Will I always dominate my relationships until they can't take anymore? Why is my success such an inconvenience to men?

I hear him lock the bolt and open my eyes against my extended arm, nervous. I know I went too far today but... I only did it because I love him. I can't stand to see him hurt. Am I to be punished for that?

I don't look up as the bedroom door opens, bringing soft light into the darkened room. The light flickers on and I'm forced to squint, unused to the brightness.

"You didn't go out," he states, unattached. I shake my head, keeping my gaze straight ahead on the wall. I don't think I can face his expression of betrayal again today.

"Where were you?" I ask softly, hearing him undressing beside the bed.

"Walking mostly... stopped at the bank."

"... The bank?"

"I quit my job," he answers and I can't stay detached any longer. I look to him, wide-eyed.

"What?"

There's no answer from him, nor does he look at me. He picks up his pants off the ground and sets them onto the chair in the corner.

"Why in the hell would you do that? Stellan... you said there aren't any other banks that Vance hadn't-"

"There aren't," he states coldly to the wall. I shake my head, unbelieving.

"Is your pride really so damn important, Stellan? Jesus! I tried to help you! I know now that it was the wrong choice but you're really going to leave his job- one you love- and punish me for this?"

"It's not intended to punish you."

"But it is punishment," I state. "This is always going to be there now- hovering over us. I don't even have a chance to fix it? You want me to feel terrible. You want me to beg, to plead for your forgiveness. You want me to submit to you. You want me to let go of the power you think I have! That is what you want- why you did this, isn't it?"

He turns from the wall, his face contorted painfully. "Is that really what you think I want?"

"It's what every man wants. Every man has always wanted that from me, Stellan. It's the reason all my relationships have failed. It's why Marcus slept with my best friend... He wanted to be worshiped, he wanted a woman to bow down at his feet. I wouldn't do that- I will never do that-"

His bellow makes me jump slightly in place. "The only goddamn thing I want to be is equal to you! I want to stand by your side and not feel like I don't deserve to be there!"

A chip of my heart breaks off at his words of self-loathing. "You are equal to me!"

"No, I'm not. I'm not and you know it! Eric knows it. Viktor, our lawyer- my boss- everyone knows I'm not. I see it on their faces. If this fails and I don't manage to get justice for everything Vance has done to me, I will have nothing. I will be nothing."

"Stop talking about yourself like that!" I shout as tears rush to my eyes. "Stop it!"

I scramble off the bed and watch him move back- move away from me and although it cuts me deep, I sprint into him, wrapping my arms around his body desperately.

His pride was all he had left- and I tore it away from him. I made him feel like he was nothing all over again. This is my fault.

"You will have me," I cry, clutching him tighter when his arms don't come around me. "You will have me."

"But I won't deserve you."

"Stop."

He pulls back, grasping my face, his eyes deep. "Since the moment I met you, you were insistent upon changing my life and you did it. I had no choice but to let you do it." He smiles slightly, shrugging. "Not to mention, I was probably already in love with you- I didn't resist the help until I realized I was only hurting you by being there. And here I am again, a year later and happiest when I'm near you, yet you're crying before me. You're still trying to save me, Iris and I'm realizing-"

"Don't you dare say that you're not worth it. Don't," I snap angrily, hurriedly. "I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen to me. When you left that day at my house, when I knew I was never going to see you again, my heart broke. It broke beyond repair- there was only one person who could ever fix it and he was gone. I was a shell- I quit working. I barely lived for a year and didn't feel anything until I saw your face again in that street. I don't know how it happened, I don't know why it's so hard for us to be happy but I know there's no one else for me but you."

His eyes water slightly, rimmed red and he tries to look away but I pull his head back with my shaking hands.

"No one. To me, you are this beautiful, compassionate, brave human being who has the potential to give me everything I never thought I would have." I make sure he's staring into my eyes before I utter the next words. "I want love. Unconditional love. I want marriage. I want babies. I want forever... and I want it with you."

"Iris..."

"Don't you see? You're irreplaceable. You're a treasure- you are worth every single second of my day. You're the reason I wake up every morning- your eyes are the first thing I wait to see. You are intelligent and dedicated- you can do anything you set your mind to and I know that. I have faith in you, which is something I sometimes lack to see even in myself."

I wipe a tear drifting down his face softly, wanting so badly to take him- prove to him that there's no one else. Marry him, love him deep. Show him he's worth it.

"Isn't that enough?" I utter softly, a lump lodged in my throat. When he doesn't answer right away, I feel panic, unbearable panic. "Isn't it?"

He sucks in a breath, looking at war with himself but nods, letting his emotions- his barriers go. "Yes."

He grasps the back of my head, groaning softly as he takes my mouth passionately. I suddenly feel safer, smaller as he wraps his other arm around my back, pulling me into his warm frame. Relieved tears finally arrive as I take in the fact that I haven't lost him. That I somehow managed to bring him back.

"Yes," he whispers against my lips, nodding. "It's enough."

"I'm yours... forever, Stellan."

He pulls back breathlessly, resting his forehead against mine. I open my eyes, finding his tender and loving. "Are you?"

I realize what he's saying and I feel no fear. No doubt. I utter the words, calm and sure, "Cherish me. Love me... Ask me, Stellan."

He swallows as his eyes travel over my features slowly. I feel him shaking beneath my grip. "Then marry me, Iris. Let me give you what you've always wanted- and what you deserve." He pulls back, caressing my face. "Even if I can't give you the world, I'll be your world... I'll give you mine, gladly."

I tremble in the best possible way, touched by his words. We're both crying, both hurt and joyed at the same time. I know there is no one else for me- I've known it since I met him, which is why it's no struggle to nod, answering his request with a relieved smile.

I kiss him softly, running my fingers through his hair appreciatively. "Please, love me, Stellan."

His answer is breathless and quick. "I do... I do."