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Chapter 13

My gaze is set firmly on tent outside. I have a surprisingly clear view from the couch. Not even the comfort of silk pajamas can make feel better after the events of today.

I pushed him too far. As I always do. I push men until they can't handle it anymore. This is a record though- a week.

I managed to give him hope- hope that he'd be okay. That he could get his life back.

I slept with him, consumed by the passion I knew he would bring me- not expecting that he'd actually be a person I'd care for like this.

And then I managed to make him feel that it was safer to live on the streets than just simply be with me. I mean- why the hell did I even offer him a job? I should have just taken him in.

I look down at the paper and pen in my lap in the dark room, shaking my head. I offered him the job exactly because I already knew he wouldn't accept charity. He's not that kind of man.

And now the thought of losing him- of knowing that I'll probably never see him again after today- it's tearing me apart. He deserves so much more than this.

My eyes flicker to the orange envelope on the marble counter- enclosed is money I had Eric retrieve just a mere hour ago. Ten-thousand dollars. I don't know how long that can sustain him but it's all I had in the safe that I could get on such short notice.

I know he won't take it willingly. I have to find a way to get it into his bag without him noticing. I twist the pen between my fingers, glancing over to the door. What do you say to someone who's effected your life so much in such a short amount of time?

I hear the door open just a few feet away and I jump in place. The light in the kitchen shines suddenly and I tuck the paper underneath the cushion, turning slowly.

He's standing in black sweats by the cabinets, grabbing a cup. His hair is tussled and I wonder silently if he can't sleep either. He holds it under the faucet and looks up.

"Hi," I whisper, feeling incredibly awkward.

"Hi," he answers, shutting off the faucet. "What are you doing up? And sitting in the dark?"

"I was-" I try to think of something that's not utterly pathetic. "I was thinking about tomorrow- about the show."

He smiles softly and walks over towards me. I look away from him, tearing my eyes away from his naked torso. I scoot over as he sits down beside me, pressing his lips together.

"I wasn't lying when I said it will be fine. It's spectacular- the whole show."

I nod, looking down at my hands. "Yeah... yeah. It probably will be."

"You're a rare kind of beauty, Iris. Everything about you- it's beautiful. Your work is no different."

My eyes close as I try to stop the clenching in my throat. "What will you do?"

"... I'll figure out something. I'll try to find a job- see if I can find someone that won't do a background check."

I look to the empty side of the couch, nodding. A scalding tear escapes my eye and I quickly reach up to wipe it.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, swallowing.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because- I told you I could help you and-and I couldn't. I feel like I fucking failed you."

"You did not fail me."

"Yes, I did! You're going back onto the streets, Stellan."