Your Social Media| d.h

T w o

I've lost a lot of weight recently. Not on purpose, I just didn't have the heart to eat like I used to. My shape changes gradually, and soon I can't fit into my old clothes. My friend insists on taking me shopping and we spend an afternoon choosing pencil skirts, silk blouses and short blazers for work. I even manage to purchase my first pair of black heels. I always used to wear flats, even at work. For casual clothing, my friend picks out skirts and dresses, but I insist on having them in dark colours. They remind me of you.

At work, my colleagues praise me for moving on, for changing my image. I used to wear black trousers and large blazers to hide my shape. Now it's all tight pencil skirts, silk blouses and red lipstick. I change myself even more, trying to lose my old self. My once-straight hair now sits in perfect waves on my shoulders.

What they don't know is I haven't moved on yet. Every night I find myself checking your Twitter, your Facebook, your Instagram. More pictures and tweets about Alice show up. For several weeks it's just subtle references, but soon there's one picture of a fancy dinner. A suit. A dress. Candles. That was the picture that confirmed your relationship, the picture that changed your status to single to in a relationship. I see that on Facebook the morning after you post that picture.

It's in the morning when I finally click onto Tumblr, readying myself for the outburst of pain. Oddly, I don't see any comments about your  relationship. There are only two posts about you, and they're just reposts of your Instagram picture of Alice.

However, I'm tagged in one angry outburst.
EVERYONE IN THE PHANDOM READ THIS! BEFORE DAN MAKES ME TAKE IT DOWN!
Dan is forcing everyone to take down any negative comments or pictures about Alice. That's why there are no negative comments about Alice. In fact, everyone hates her except Dan.
REPOST THIS TO HELP EVELYN!

I smile and breathe a sigh of relief. Seconds later, I try to read the post again, but it's been deleted. So you have been trying to protect your relationship. This won't work. I know you, Dan. You'll try and cover everything up, all of the hate, but eventually Alice will see it just like I did, and leave, just like I did.

I find out on Alice's Twitter that she's a model. Her tweets are mostly directed to you. Her Instagram shows her travels to exotic countries, her expensive London flat and glamorous dresses. On your Instagram, you post about your USA tour with Phil. I was proud of you when you published your book. I remember that I was the first to see the book. I smiled at you, telling you how proud I was. Do you remember that?

I remember playing Mario Kart until the early hours of the morning until I finally beat you. I remember not going out for days just to watch American Horror Story together and holding hands on the Tube when we eventually did go out. I remember hours in Starbucks, sipping coffee and staring out the window. I remember walks by the Thames and how we'd stuff our entwined hands in your deep coat pockets.

I check your Twitter to see that you've posted a new video. It's funny, as always, but you look tired beyond belief. Everyone else would think that you're energetic and happy, but I hear your slightly lower voice and recognise exhaustion. You'd often clamber out of bed late at night when you thought I was asleep, getting glasses of water and lying back down. You'd lay there, tired but unable to sleep. My hand moved in the darkness and grabbed yours. You'd turned your face and smiled at me.

I'd stayed awake until you fell into slumber, your breath hot on my cheek.