It's Christmas Eve and everyone is happy. Well, everyone except me. I'm stuffed in my favorite Christmas sweater and I'm sitting on the arm of the couch.
I went into this room to be alone while I sulked. My lousy uncle was snoring on the other couch. This was the least populated room in the house at the moment.
The Christmas tree was adorned with colorful lights and little wrapped presents were huddled around it. Everything was so festive. Even my coco mug was.
It was painted red and had little white snowflakes laid neatly at the top. My mug sat warmly in my hands as I stared at it with anguish.
My life didn't feel right. Absolutely nothing was going my way. My lips fall into a frown and a tear drop falls from my face into my hot chocolate.
It splashes in and the foam on top of my coco fleas to the edges of my cup. I mix my mug around and take a small sip.
The instant Swiss Miss coco was the only acceptable coco for me. It was about the only thing I drank around Christmas. I refuse to drink egg nog. I loathe egg nog.
During Christmas vacation I just try to get my mind off of school. But, the more I try the more I think about it. The days are just ticking by. Every day is a day closer to getting sucked back into that hell hole
Lately my mother has been yelling at for not knowing what's causing my depression. But, you know I don't think she understands how stressful it is to explain what's going on in my head when I don't even understand it myself.
Everyone, my 'friends' and family, are forcing me to be outgoing, happy, and to do things that give me anxiety and make me uncomfortable. Why can't they just respect how I feel.
When I was younger I thought that when I was at my age now that my life would be organized, I'd have a loving boyfriend, I'd go to lots of parties, and I'd stop being a mess. Guess what? That never happened.
Now, I'm just here at a family Christmas party sipping coco while I watch my life spiral into the ground.
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- A. F. Grace
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