Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter 12: Down

**TOM**

What the fuck had I just done? Again, why the hell was I crying? I understood that Jen didn't want me back, and I was starting to accept that. But something deep down inside my heart told me that I still didn't need to move on. I screamed, slamming my fist down on the steering wheel as I arrived in a desolate part of town. As I drove, thoughts surrounded me in a dark cloud. Thunder shook the earth around me and lightning flashed in the sky, lighting up some of the darkness that was beginning to fall. I turned my car and headed for the beach, racing the clouds above my head.

I turned off my BMW, throwing the keys into the leather passenger seat where Raleigh sat.

Stop thinking about her.

But fuck, I couldn't stop thinking about her, no matter how fucking hard I tried. I figured that when I took the meds, I would be getting rid of not only the pain, but thoughts of her. But I was terribly mistaken. Here's the thing though; I didn't want to rid her. I just needed to fucking tell her how I really felt now that we already had the sex done and over with. She knew that my feelings towards her were more than just 'friends' or even 'good friends.' I sighed and got out of the car, pulling my hood over my head to shield the rain from messing up my hair.

I let my mind run frantic. Thoughts flooded my head. I should not have let myself go. I mean, ok I loved Raleigh but I only kissed her once and that was only really out of grievance. And then I went out and banged her without much of a warning on my part.

But we both wanted it, that's why it was so fucking screwed up.

Was it really all my fault anyways? Yes, I walked away for four days but it was only because of the fact that I was scared to face her. The least she could have done was text me or something. But then again, I had the dick, so it was really my responsibility.

Leaning against the hood of my car, I started thinking of lyrics. My eyes widened, and I began to hum something from deep within myself without thinking about it. I scrambled to get my door open and shakily got a notebook from the glove compartment. I found a pen with barely any ink left in it and figured it would do.

The drops of rain they fall all over,

This awkward silence makes me crazy

I'd add more to that later, but I figured out a chorus that maybe I could work around some more.

Tidlewaves they

Rip right through me

Tears from eyes mourn cold and sad

Pick me up now, I need you so bad

Down, down, down, down...

I knew it would be fucking great as soon as I wrote the chorus. And with that, my spirits lifted almost instantly. That's the thing about music; no matter how shitty you feel, the slightest thing or melody with it can help you feel better nearly that instant.

I couldn't wait to call Mark and Travis and tell them about it, and I also couldn't wait to get home and work on the guitar riffs for it.

I sped home as fast as I could. The lyrics were bubbling in my head like lava as I struggled to put my keys in the doorknob. I grabbed the notebook from my pocket and threw my keys on my messy kitchen counter.

Once I had a good idea of where the song was going later on that night, I called Travis first before I called Mark; I was going to avoid him as much as possible for fear of another fight breaking the fuck out. But either way I had to talk to him, even though we had kind of worked things out, which I'm pretty sure I've already said before.