Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter 16: Rebound

Tom and I had made up to an extent, but I was still pretty mad at him. I had spent Christmas night with him at his house after he had gone to his mother's to celebrate with family. He really urged me to go, but they weren't my family and I didn't want to intrude. Which was fine with me because I got to sleep in. Even though I was still a little upset with him, he was my boyfriend so I had to get him something for the holiday. His gifts ended up being a few UFO and conspiracy theory books that he didn't own (I had to scour his bookshelf multiple times to make sure), a bottle of his favorite red wine, and a gift card to Sombrero's because why not. In return, Tom bought me a necklace with his own used guitar pick dipped in gold so he "could always be feeling my chest." As cheesy as it was, I really liked it, despite the fact that I was still almost livid with him.

We were sitting in his living room Christmas night with the radio on low. Christmas music played. It only took so many times hearing Let it Snow before Tom got up angrily and shut the radio off.

"Jesus fucking Christ. How many times are they going to play that? It doesn't even snow down here," he said as he sat back down. He sunk down pretty low so that his back was at an awful angle. He insisted that it helped the ongoing pain but I didn't know how.

I looked at him and smiled, then looked out the giant windows across the room from where we were seated. His house overlooked the Southern California mountains, and off in the distance lights from the city could be seen. Tom removed his arm from my lower back and sat up, hunched over. He set his wine down on the end table next to him and started nervously playing with his ring finger.

"What's up Tom?" I asked, turning a bit in my seat to look at him. He kept his head down, his black hair extending off his head a bit. He clenched his jaw a little bit before he spoke.

"Raleigh there's something wrong with me," he began. My heart sunk. What could it be this time?

"Okay..." I replied, setting my own glass of wine on the end table that was a bit out of my reach to the left of the couch.

"I, uh...haven't been completely honest about..." he stammered nervously before scratching the back of his neck. He shoved his hand into his sweats pocket that was out of my sight. By now my heart was racing.

He shoved a nearly empty orange pill bottle into my hands. I instantly knew what he was going to say.

"How long?" I asked nervously.

"A few months before my back surgery was done," he replied. His head still looked at the ground and his voice was low.

Everything made sense to me now. The way he lost weight so quickly, the anger outbursts, the more alcohol he drank, the sweat.

"Tom, these things can be really lethal."

"You think I don't know that?" He snapped, his voice cracking. I fingered the ripped paper on the prescription bottle. I sighed. Bottom line, I didn't want to lose Tom to some pill problem, but he needed help.

He spoke up again, "I'm not taking as many anymore. I've cut back a lot on them."

"Tom...I'm sorry. I know you're in a lot of pain. I'm not mad at you, I'm just really concerned about you," I said, grabbing his large hand. He curled his fingers around mine and finally looked up at me with a sense of relief.

"I really like you, you know?" He said.

"I know. I like you too, Tom," I replied, scooting over to him and laying my head on his broad shoulder.

We hadn't used the word 'love' yet in a serious context. Of course we joked around about it a lot but those subtle moments when we did get serious found the word like instead of love. On multiple occasions, it had almost slipped from me because I truly did love him, but I still wasn't completely one hundred percent sure that I wasn't just his rebound. It was hard to tell with him sometimes, especially when he played shows. There, Tom always talked about fucking other people and things that he wanted to do to girls everywhere. Even though it bothered me to an extent, I shook it off because in the end I knew it was all just a joke. And plus, I talked about good looking dudes with plenty of friends. Anyways, the first 'I love you' was bound to happen, it was just a matter of when.