When The World Stops Spinning: Poetry & Short Stories

Lone Maze Wonderer

I never suffered from depression,

I just have depressed moments,

Those moments when I find myself questioning,

The point of life,

My life,

Questioning if things would've gone differently if I hadn't spoken ill,

Questioning if my past life had wronged the wrong people,

Maybe a president,

Or an elderly women.

Have you ever felt invisible,

Those moments where you feel you are standing in a crowd,

Wearing neon green,

Swinging your arms in the air,

Begging for someone to notice,

That the glass jar has a crack running along its side,

When it's only 4 people sitting at the lunch table.

I conducted my owe census,

In 2014,

I have written 1000 false "I'm okays",

Said 998 times that I'm "just tired",

And cried 3 times in one week,

See,

You don't know me,

I rarely cry,

And those tears that I let fall,

Were for later,

I was saving them for a very important day,

To mourn a loved one,

Or to give congrats.

I cried because no matter how loud I yelled

"I'm okay!",

No matter how wide my smile became,

The ache was still there.

I have built a 40 foot tall labyrinth,

With no blueprint to the center,

And every time,

Every time,

I let someone in,

They get lost in the abyss of thick vines,

Unable to see the dark clouds that loom over,

Some tried to cheat,

Bringing hedge cutters to this unpredictable fight,

But they always end up giving up,

Finding the large scissors too heavy,

Or the thick vines impossible.

I won't lie,

There are days when I like roaming this maze,

Running through it with my arms open,

Palms out,

Taking the lick of the rough roots as a sign that it was going to be okay,

But the days and nights,

When the tears run down behind this ghastly mask,

When I can't seem to put words onto paper,

When a simple glance towards my friends,

Causes my mind to raise the white flag,

I know I've lost the battle to be courageous,

There's probably a solution to this feeling of loneliness and distress,

But I wish not to share it,

I don't want to burden someone.

I just wish...

I just wish I could just burn them,

Letting the red and orange flame consume these feelings into ash,

Maybe then,

I will be able to smile genuinely again,

Maybe then,

I will not feel like a rock balancing on a cliff,

Maybe then,

These poems will finally be about clarity,

But 'till these dark clouds dissipate,

I will continue to roam this maze...

With my palms out...

Waiting.