The Other Way Around

Chapter 004

Without thinking I crash my lips against Harry's and grab his hair in my hands. I love the way they Always feel  so soft. I ask for entrance but Harry doesn't give it to me, instead pulling away from me and looking at me. I keep my hands in his hair and he just stares at me for a little while, as if he is unsure what to say. ''I like you Melody.'' I look at him not believing what he just said. ''You don't, you can't.'' He wants to take my hand but I take a step back an shake my head. ''I'll be no good for you Harry, you can't like me it isn't possible, I will only hurt you.'' I know I'll hurt him, I can't be what he wants me to be. ''Well I'm warned now, I want you Melody, I want you to be mine.'' I laugh. Harry just doesn't get it... I don't know what to say, so i do what I have been doing my whole life when peaple get to close. ''I don't like you Harry, I never will, you are just fun, and games. And You kiss really good.'' Harry looks at me as if I shot him. ''I actually wanted to get you into bed, but yeah, I think this, goes too far.'' Harry looks at me and I think there are tears in his eyes, but before I can take a good look he has turned around,  he dissapears in the house. With my hand I brush through my hair, not quite sure why I said what I did, but if I hurt him this way now, I can't hurt him later. I know I can't love him. I go and sit on a bench that is on the side of the garden. I know I said I liked Harry, but that can't be true, Harry is sweet, and I am not, I tried to be.. for him, that just brought out weakness in me, I need to stay away from him and talk about this to Tyler, only Tyler knows, only Tyler will ever know.

I am staying the night at my grandfathers house with Tyler, just like old times, Harry has left the house after he said goodbye to my mother, my mother said he was crying, and ofcourse she has shouted at me. I know myself that I shouldn't have hurt him but, I am not good for him, he can't like me. I didn't tell my mother that. Tyler right now is saying goodbye to Zayn, and promised me he would come upstairs when he was done, but he has been away for 15 minutes. I think about what I told Harry, and I almost regret it, no not almost I regret it. It is so usual for me to hurt peaple when they get to close, or when I don't know what to say. No on has ever said to me. And maybe just maybe, I was protecting myself, I know somehow he will end up leaving me, and to be honest, I have never, ever felt something so real, so strong so...Magical about someone.... yes.. should I say know. The door opens ''I am sure this is not the first time, but dude, you made a guy cry!'' Ty laughs hard. I am lying on my childhood bed, in our childhood bedroom, mine and Ty. I remember I never wanted to sleep alone, not without Ty, even at home, I remember walking to Tylers room and just lay in his bed, until my mother finally took my bed to his room. That is prbably why we are so close, I can;t think of anything we fought about, worse then who played the most beautiful barbie doll. Tyler was always more feminine than me, and I loved it, my mother loved it, and our nanny's loved it, I remember crowds of girls walking behind him, and him dating a new girl every month or so, because, well they trew them at his feet, just like guys do at me, he didn't know he was gay back then and he just wanted to feel something. his first boyfriend left him heartbroken, and that was when he finally admitted he was gay, not even me knew, he kissed a boy and that he liked it. I remember him crying on my schoulder, that he finally felt something, and that it was the worst, I was so excited about it. ''You did play your act wonderfull, taking him to our fanily oh my gosh, that he believed you'' Tyler is still laughing, he is now sitting at the edge of the bed I am laying on, and I place myself next to him, putting my head on his schoulder while saying: ''I felt something... and it is the worst.'' immidiatly his head shuts up. ''You liked him?!'' Tyler almost shouts. ''well, if this is how it feels to like someone, I don't want to like anyone ver again.'' I am not crying, I never cry, but I almost lose the tears stinging in my eyes, so I close my eyes very hard, to make them go away, but one escapes. I also sit up and quickly wipe away the lost tear. ''Mel, why the fuck did you make him cry?'' in the beginning, I though Harry was strong, but now I look back, and think that, maybe he is trying to be strong, but somethimes, it's just a mask. I shrug. ''Can't believe you also believed it. '' I fake a grin at Tyler and he looks at me, then fakes a smile back. ''hmm hmm...''