Ashes (Sequel to Windows To The Soul)

Eight.

When I arrived to my room Selena was there.

“Tay Tay.” She said cheerfully. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I could hear the concern in her voice.

I sat on the floor and she sat next to me, that was what I needed. I needed to cry on someone’s shoulder.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” She asked.

I shook my head and started crying again.

She got up and I looked at her.

She smiled. “I know what you need, get up, come on.”

I did as she said and we walked out the dorm to her car.

I didn’t feel like talking, I didn’t care about where she was taking me.

She turned the music up and started tapping the steering wheel with her index finger.

Heart broken, heart breaker, that’s me.

I accept it, I get the point.

I knew that voice, it was Nina’s voice. She made it, she had her songs playing on the radio, I felt awkwardly proud. I mean, she had something to do with the plan, she betrayed me for money, but I was proud of her living her dream. It was weird.

And the lyrics couldn’t be more accurate for my situation. I broke his heart, I was a heartbreaker. I also broke Harry’s heart, but he broke mine first, and so did Louis, so was I really a heartbreaker? But I sure had my heart broken by them.

The sun was setting, and I was wondering what where we doing in the middle of the forest. The sunbeams strained through the red and yellow leaves, it was beautiful.

Selena guided me to a beautiful meadow full of flowers and plants, the place looked and shined like gold.

The meadow was surrounded by tall trees, it was really beautiful.

“I come here when I’m stressed or sad. I used to come here when I was little with my dad before he…died, you know. I love this place.” She said as she sat on the ground. “Nobody knows about this place, I’ve never told anyone, but I think you will make a good use of it.”

She smiled and I sat down next to her.

The autumn breeze was soft but still cold; I saw how it swung through the plants and the flowers.  

I lay on the ground; I clasped my hands behind my head and closed my eyes.

All I could hear was silence, so I used the silence to organize my thoughts.

It’s been four intense days, I thought it all would be calmed and of course I wouldn’t have imagined that Louis was going to the same college as I am. It’s obvious he’s been suffering; I could see it and the things that he wrote on that note confirmed it. I was feeling horrible because I broke his heart, but he broke mine first, so why should I feel guilty about breaking it? I wasn’t going to go back to where I was a year ago.

Seeing Harry didn’t make it any better, God, he was beautiful in so many ways, I couldn’t resist him, but I kept my cool and didn’t throw myself at him. He hadn’t changed a bit; he was still that rude, cold boy. He said he loves me but he didn’t fight for me; all he did from the beginning was fight with Louis, but not for me. And he betrayed me, I know he did it with good intentions, but he should’ve told me. I still want to see him, I kind of miss him…I know I shouldn’t go to see him but maybe talking with him would help me make up my mind.

I took a deep breath and let it out, all I knew is that I wasn’t going to forgive them, because why should I forgive them? They break me into a million pieces and the next thing I know is that Louis is in love with me and Harry doesn’t even move a finger to fight for me. Maybe I was over thinking the situation…

Should I care about Louis’ feelings? Should I keep thinking about Harry? I don’t know…

______________________________________

It’s been a week since the day I visited Louis. Classes have officially started and here I am doing my homework.

Selena and I have gotten closer since the day she took me to that beautiful meadow, she told me about how her father died and I told her about my parents’ divorce. I still didn’t want to tell her much about my personal life, but she was slowly gaining my trust, I hope she doesn’t let me down.

I’ve been thinking about my father a lot lately. Where’s him? Why did he do that to me? I sighed; I needed to take a break.

I grabbed my phone, put my headphones on and went for a walk.

I can’t say that I’m sad, but I can’t say that I’m happy either.

“Swift!” Someone yelled behind me.

I turned around to find Niall. I smiled and took my headphones off.

“Horan.” I greeted him.

He raised both of his eyebrows in surprise and smiled.

“Have you finished homework yet?” He asked.

“No, I needed a break; I was going to go crazy.” I laughed.

“Yeah, me too.” He sighed in relief. “Do you fancy doing it together?” He widened his eyes. “Homework, I mean doing homework together.”

I laughed again. “Of course, let me go get it and we’ll go to the library, wait here.”

I ran back to my room and grabbed my homework and my laptop.

“Let’s go.” I said to Niall.

The library of the campus was crowded, but we managed to find seats.

He was so nice; we threw tiny balls of paper at each other a few times and tried not to laugh too loud, it was fun. He actually distracted me from thinking about tragedies.

After we were finished with our homework we walked to McDonalds and bought hamburgers and sodas and ate them in a park near college.

“So are you enjoying college?” He asked as he bit his hamburger.

“Um, yeah, I’ve been a little bit stressed out lately, but it all seems to be calming down now.” I replied.

There was a silence for a few minutes as we finished eating out meals.

“What’s your favourite band?” He asked.

“I love Paramore, but I also love Thirty Seconds To Mars, so I don’t know. I’m always torn between them.” I laughed.

“Thirty Seconds To Mars is way better than Paramore, it’s painfully obvious.” He challenged.

I raised an eyebrow and that’s when the feud started, I wouldn’t let him say ugly things about one of my favourite bands and get away with it.

We ended up covered in ketchup, I was laughing so hard that my lungs hurt. People were looking at us but we didn’t care, it was fun.

“Oh my god! There’s ketchup all over my hair!” I yelled and he laughed. “What’s so funny?!”

“You, you are so funny, look at you.” He was laughing so hard that he almost fell off of the bench.

I rolled my eyes and he laughed even more. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time.

“I can’t believe it’s eleven o’clock already! I have to go Niall; I have to go to work tomorrow.” I said.

He got up of the bench. “Let’s go then.”

We threw our leftovers into a bin and walked to college, thankfully we were near it.

I said goodbye to Niall and walked in my room, Selena was asleep so I took my things and headed to have a shower and brush my teeth.

I had a lot of fun with Niall; I really should start thinking about hanging out with him more often.

I had to wake up at eight tomorrow just to see Kyle, have I mentioned that I can’t stand him? Well I can’t, he irritates me a lot.