Ashes (Sequel to Windows To The Soul)

Twenty-Two.

As I drove back to college I turned the radio up, trying to focus on the music and trying not to feel anything.

Music was my medicine, music healed me.

“Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends…” I hummed along with the song.

I started to think about Louis, I needed answers, how could he change his mind so fast? How could he say I was torturing him? What about me? I have feelings too.

I clenched my jaw and made a decision, I needed answers in that very moment.

I kept saying to myself that this is what I wanted, I wanted him to stay away from me but I guess I couldn’t leave without answers so I headed to his house, I was convinced, I was not backing down. Tiny raindrops began to splash against my car, and I got a little bit scared, there was nothing that could make me turn around and leave without my answer…unless it was a scary storm.

I saw his house and my heart skipped a beat, why should I be nervous? He owed me some explanations, I just wanted explanations.

I turned off the car and started walking toward the front door. My palms were sweaty, it was cold sweat and my fingers were cold too. Want to know what it meant? It meant that I hadn’t changed at all, that I still was that little scared and weak girl.

It took me some time until I realized I had to ring the bell if I wanted to come in, when I was about to ring it the door opened and I met those blue eyes that were mysterious and captivating.

“Taylor” he called, snapping me back to reality.

“I, um, hi…can I come in?” I asked rubbing my left arm.

“I was just going to look for you,” he whispered to himself, “uh, yeah come in,”

That explained why he was on his coat.

I came in and followed him to the living room.

“So, why are you here?” he asked as he bit his nails, he was nervous.

“I need answers,” I replied as I took a step closer to him, “why did you tell me to leave like that?”

“I told you, I can’t stand this pain it’s not healthy at all, and you know what the worst part of this is?” he raised an eyebrow, “you don’t care, you’re so focused on yourself that you don’t even notice how much I’m hurting because I can’t have you!”

I took a step back, intimidated because he was actually yelling at me.

“Open your eyes Taylor, I’m nothing, nothing,” he said running his hand through his hair.

Louis’ P.O.V:

She didn’t answer; she just stood there looking at her feet as if this didn’t matter at all.

“You know what? The price of what I did to you one year ago is not loneliness or regret, no, it’s the fact that I’ve fallen for you so hard, being in love with you is what karma had for me in its sleeve,” I said, trying to get a reaction from her, “I guess that’s why they say that karma is a bitch,”

Taylor looked up at me, her eyes were narrowed and her fists were clenched. I took some steps toward her, leaving almost no space between our bodies and she tried to push me but I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Even if it hurts like hell I love you, I can’t change my feelings,” I said as I used my index finger to lift her chin, “but you don’t care, you don’t care,”

She closed her eyes and took her hand up to her head, she opened her eyes again and fixated them on mine, scrutinizing my glance. I took my finger off of her chin and used that hand to cup her cheek; she took grip of the collar of my coat with her hands and pulled her body against mime, I wrapped my arms around her waist without thinking it twice.

“Louis I-I feel something for you, I’ve kept denying it and pushing it and I’m tired, I don’t know what it is but I feel something,” she paused and I widened my eyes, “but… I feel something for Harry too,”

And there goes my sudden happiness and, as always, it was Harry who had to come and crash it.

“I don’t know why but there’s something there…I don’t even talk to him that much, he’s a jerk but I lov-” she stopped herself.

I closed my eyes, “you love him”

I felt her let go of me and I was numb, but I knew that the pain would visit me later and harder.

She looked down then up at me and there was something in her face that I couldn’t decode.  She turned around and ran out of my house, I sat down on the couch and stared at the wall, I guess I lost the war…

Taylor’s P.O.V:

I started the car and let out a frustrated scream, what was wrong with me?! I felt tears run down my cheeks.

And a few moments ago I thought I was confused, ha, I just admitted to myself and Louis that I loved Harry but I didn’t lie to Louis when I said I had feelings for him and the truth is that they were strong, really strong, but was it love? How could I love two people at the same time?

Well they always say that acceptance is the first step to recover…

I drove fast back to college, I needed to take a shower and take a few calmative tablets or hit my head against a wall and talk to Niall.

When I arrived Selena wasn’t in our room and I was thankful, I didn’t want to hear her ask me questions I wasn’t going to answer.

I took a long, hot shower and I felt that my body was relaxed but not my mind.  I headed to my room and when I was there I grabbed my laptop and sat on my bed with it. When I turned it on I searched the to-do list I made last year.

1. Stop being so naïve.

2. Go to college.

3. Find new, trustworthy friends.

4. Change my hairstyle.

5. Find something that boosts my self-steam.

6. Don’t date boys, buy a cat instead.

7. Start writing songs again.

8. Stop over thinking.

9. Stop falling for people who make you think they’re never ever going to leave you, because they will and they will hurt you so bad, so stop doing it. STOP. 

10. Start living life

Okay, I was in college, I changed my hairstyle and I’ve started writing songs again… But I was still in love with the same curly haired boy and I still like Louis, I hadn’t found trustworthy friends even though I hoped Niall would change that.

I sighed and started to look through my e-mails when something popped up in the screen.

I told you not to play with fire; you should’ve stayed with Louis since your dear Harry seems to be too busy to pay attention to you, Swift. Wanna know why? Just visit Styles.

I turned off my laptop and pushed it away from me; I had been receiving notes like this for a while and I was starting to be really scared. I grabbed my phone and send Niall a text asking him to come as soon as possible.

I was scared because it wasn’t even an e-mail it just popped up, just when I thought whoever was doing this got tired of making such a sick joke…