Jesus those Naruto Mary Sues destroyed me...but hey, duty calls. Next on my hit list are the laughable Mary Sues of the Bleach fandom. Ichigo's universe is riddled with these power-leeches. Who better than Trash_Tanuki to purge them from our beloved...
You do not want to know how long it took me to find and recreate that meme. Anyways, I am very excited to start off the first Bleach Mary Sue killing. Bleach is among my top favorite anime, so taking down one of its worst OC characters will definitely be rewarding. The name of today's Mary Sue is Tiffany (such a great name considering Bleach is set in Japan and pretty much every character has a Japanese name) and she debuts in The Unusual Girl by _Fallen_Dark_Angel_
Here's a small bit of the introduction since most of it is just one long, overbearing quote.
I used bleach characters from the show bleach, and added my own. its my first story so please give me credit for trying. thanks for reading :) ( btw first chapter is pretty bad... )
Bleach is the title of an anime. It should be capitalized. "Its" should be "It's". These are basic grammar rules that don't take long to learn. Use charts and check your work before posting. Also, I will recognize that this is your first story. Everyone has to start somewhere, but if you know the first chapter is "pretty bad" why didn't you go back and edit it? If something isn't good enough for publication and you're aware of that, it's your duty to fix it. Don't be lazy and just slap it on the internet. Either put in the effort or get some help with editing before posting. That always irks me. Moving on.
So first it started when I was about 4...
If you want your work to look more professional I would suggest spelling out numbers instead of using its symbol. It'll give a boost of sophistication to your story.
My parents have abandoned me and I had nowhere to go. But, when I was walking the streets one day, a tall man with huge white eyebrows and a long white beard walked up to me.
He opened one eye, glaring at me like I committed a crime.
Roaming the streets? Poverty is a thing in Japan, yes, but no one would let a four year old wander around. People would ask questions. Not realistic.
"Your spiritual pressure, it seems very odd, and what is a child like you roaming these streets without anyone?" He said sternly
The comma usage is a bit off and "what is a child like you roaming these streets without anyone?" sounds strange. Put "doing" before "roaming" and you'll be set. Also, I'm assuming that this old man is Yamamoto. A bit out of character for him to be wandering around Japan, but maybe more reading will solve this.
"I-I don't know" I said as I was shaking and templing in fear.
Trembling. Try that.
Then without knowing it, he took a long sword out of the holder, and pointed it straightly in the air, and then he said "unlock". And all of a sudden a door appeared out of nowhere and it opened. Two black butterflies came out, one went by his side, and the other went by mine. I was so confused I dozed off and stood there shocked and I didn't know what to do. If this was bad, or good. I didn't know.
This is my face.
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