Lost Stars

xxi. universal

The last few days have been the most painful ones that have ever been introduced to Elle. She was being consumed into an extraordinarily new level of numbness that she never knew existed with each minute that she remembered him. Every tear that fell from her eyes were remnants of a larger emotion within her that mourned the sound of his voice. Every part of her wept whenever she thought of never hearing the melody ever again; that those words spoken to her would be the last pieces of an amazing person who added a beautiful rainbow across her bleak life.

Time has blended into one meaningless blur that Elle was more than happy to let waste, knowing that the one man who gave it purpose was consumed by the abyss of misery and agony that this world tried so hard to conceal from everyone. She let the hours wither away as she laid in the comfort that the darkness of her room gave her as she let her void feelings devour her into nothing.

The only symbol of life that she had left was the fact that her breaths were still fresh and steady, but that was it. Elle didn't feel the need to eat or go out and do anything. There were even depressing moments in her memory where she swore that some of her senses started to numb and disintegrate as her happiness did.

Her mother knew the pain that came with the loss of a loved one. She knew that it was best for her daughter to lay in her solitude and be left alone to deal with the uprising of demons. It gave her a sense of calmness in her mind of chaotic madness. And as the sun rose and fell, Elle remained and marveled at the depths of sadness that she never knew were even accessible to people until now.

And in those few moments that she chose to step out and find a new place that gave her solace, she seemed empty. Her face was drained of color as it was with any trace of emotions. Her actions slowed down by the weight of this grief that was strongest with her. Her eyes that may have been mistaken for that of a corpse as it lost any trace of the wildfire that was present when he was. And so many words that were left unspoken as her mouth was filled with the regrets of not telling him any of the things that she thought she had to, and it decided that it would be best to just not say anything at all.

And as the news of Jack's death started to spread, it did amongst the students. Elle was grateful that school was over, since it meant that she didn't have to torture herself by flooding her broken mind with things that seemed pointless now, but seeing her friends along the small town was absolutely inevitable, as were the apologetic stares that she had learned to despise with the hatred that was birthed after Jack was taken from her.

And it almost seemed like everyone's darkest fears left them for a moment and started to surround Elle in a circle as the day of his memorial came. She knew what was going to happen today. It would be a gathering of people who Jack didn't know and were only there with the flimsy excuse of being related by blood as they tried to fake the grief that Elle has gotten to know very well since he left as they stood awkwardly in a room filled with fancy snacks and bouquets of flowers in the name of condolences.

Elle looked at herself in the mirror, and even her reflection was a reminder of him. She saw her cherry red lips that were now a muted shade of pink that he used to adore like candy. She looked at her hair and was reminded of how much he loved to stroke it with his fingers. She watched her eyes and thought of how wonderful and lovely everything was when she was standing beside him that made her question why she only saw it in its beauty now.

Elle swallowed the lump that formed in her throat before turning away from the memories for now so that she could put her focus back to the painful reality that she has yet to admit was fully hers. Her mother was waiting for her when they got down as she wore a pitiful look on her face, whereas Elle had a blank one since all of the destruction happened within.