Foodbent

1

Dill Pickle: Stand in front of your bedroom.
What? Oh. You want the new narrator to acknowledge your birthday, right? Well, alright. But only this once.
Today is your birthday. But only today you will be given a name. What will your na--
What? You already have a name? Well, excuse me for being traditional. It's not my fault you got your name an hour ago. GEEZ.

Dill: Roll your eyes.
How dare you give me sass. FINE. I'LL PLAY BY YOUR RULES.
Anyway....
Today is your birthday. It is also the day the new Sburb game comes to you.
It seems there has been a delay for everyone regarding the game, and it bummed Milk and Crab out due to-- Wait....
Milk? Crab?
Those are NAMES?
What? You want me to stop and continue the story? Hey. Who is narrating here? You? Or me? Me. Exactly. Calm yourself.
Milk and Crab have been bummed out due to that.

Dill: Look around your room.
Ah yes, your trusty golf club.
You wonder why you haven't put that into your strife specibus yet.

Dill: Add that into your strife specibus.
You look around your room.
You are quite proud of the many ties and trophies you have earned. Your father messed up your favourite one, so you decided to wear your crown tie. It's pretty good in a way, but you miss your other tie.
Darn you, Dad. How dare he hold pie as he is riding a bike to your ceremony for being the best kid in class. He doesn't get this. He is ruining your reputation and life.
You calm down. Your tie was your baby. But you will be able to live.
It would appear somebody is pestering you on your laptop. You wonder who that could be.

Dill: Answer chum.
You notice that it is your friend Pear Hotcake. You wonder what she could be sending.
It turns out Pear was blowing up your Pesterchum with many videos and pictures of cats. What?

Dill: Be confused.
You click the first cat video that your friend sent you. It is that of a small kitten playing with a string. Although playing with a string does strike you as ultimately pointless, you can't help but fall for its adorableness.
But this is wasting your time. You could be checking your mailbox right now, but instead you are brainwashed into watching small kittens play with strings.

Dill: Watch the rest of the videos and be Pear.

Pear: Laugh maniacally.
No one can run from the cat videos.
In no time, Dill will fall in love with you for your mindless cat videos. No one else would do such a thing for him. You are the best.

Pear: Wait until he is done watching the cat videos.

-- prodigiousPolitician [PP] began pestering affableProphet [AP] --
PP: Pear I just wasted twenty minutes of my life watching adorable cats
PP: Explain yourself

You are confronted. You cannot tell him your true plans, or he will never talk you again.

AP: because it was so adorable and wasted like 20 mins of my life so i decided to waste yours too lol ;D

You can't believe you made a winking face. He will find out. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID.

PP: Well at least you wasted my time with cute things and not raging about those shitty Vines like Salt does
AP: ikr like salt goes too far because raging doesnt do anything
PP: I'm sure somewhere under all that anger is a kind heart!
PP: After all who can blame him? His grandfather watches those ten second clips for hours every day
AP: truuuue but like some vines are kind of funny even though most suck
PP: There are probably some cat ones you'd enjoy since you like sending me cat videos so much
AP: I HAVE OTHER INT- i mean like sure lol
PP: Anyway I'm going to check my mailbox for the game. You got yours right?
AP: yeah i got it right here but i had to get through my....bro. ugh. he keeps on trying to talk to me about his girlfriend troubles. its so annoying
PP: He's a grown man can't he handle his own problems?
PP: Or at least bother someone his own age
AP: ikr like i dont want to hear about his gf actually having kids and stealing his car story all over again gosh hes such a loser
PP: You think you have it bad? My dad, he.... he....... ruined my favourite tie!
AP: :T thats actually lucky dill at least he doesnt go to your prom suddenly and flirt with all your teachers who are around his age
AP: or like run in your room and destroying it looking for his paint brushes he lost or anything like that AP: or one day he says he likes cookies
AP: and then the next day after I decided ill be nice and bake some he decided he likes pie more! ugggghhh
PP: Oh uh...
PP: Would you look at that
PP: The mailbox is all the outside. Looks like I have to step away from my laptop to reach it
-- prodigiousPolitician [PP] ceased pestering affableProphet [AP] --

You can't believe he did that to you. WHAT A JERK. You were too furious to ask him out. DAMMIT. You'll have to ask next time.