Foodbent

3

Salt: Claim your toy gun.

Grandpa: Glare.
You cannot believe your grandson did such a thing. He knows your seven-second clips are your life.
You take his computer and phone. This will teach him.

Salt: Glare.
You cannot believe your grandfather did such a thing. He knows talking to your friends is your life.
You can put up with all of his seven-second clips. But this is not something you will stand for.

Salt: STRIFE!!!!
You shoot a styrofoam dart into your grandfather's forehead. That did absolutely nothing.
How in the HELL did he get past that styrofoam dart? He's smarter than you thought.
Your grandfather takes out his bowling pin and tosses it at you.

Salt: Get hit in the fucking stomach with the bowling pin.
You are successfully hit in the fucking stomach with the bowling pin. OW.
Before your grandfather hides the technology, he notices that he actually HURT you. Oh goodness. He hugs you. He did not mean to hurt you.

Salt: Hug your grandfather.
You hug your grandfather. Not because this is a heart warming moment, but because you can reach into his back pocket and grab your phone. You know this is straight up dirty play, but he's the one who took it from you.
Your grandfather is happy from this peaceful and heart warming moment that he is sure you appreciate as well.

Salt: Go back to your room.
You go back to your room with your phone in hand. During the time your phone was taken, Milk has been trying to get you to respond.

AE: Salt, are you still there?
AE: Salt??
RE: Back. Sorry about that.
RE: He took my phone.
AE: I know the feeling. The cats do that sometimes. I'm pretty sure they also text you once in a while.
RE: .....Wait.... What?
AE: I swear, they're after us all. I just know it.
RE: Uh.... Sure. Uh. Anyway.... I'm going to, uh....
RE: OH, my phone is being taken away again! Oh no!
-- reticentExasperation [RE] ceased pestering adroitEleemosynary [AE] --

You know it wasn't being taken away again. You were just scared. She was doing her whole "CATS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD" thing again.

Salt: Notice Dill's birthday picture.
You burst out laughing. You have to make a comment.

Salt: Comment.
"Nice hat and face mask, Dill."
You are proud of yourself for leaving such a funny comment. It's funny because you were being sarcastic. Dill looks absolutely stupid in this picture. You feel obliged to send it to everyone else. Well, everyone but Milk. You just told her your phone was taken, and it would be kind of awkward to follow up that message with a stupid picture of Dill.

Salt: Send the picture to everyone except Milk.
You feel somewhat accomplished. Hopefully no one shows Milk and says they got it from you. She would probably ignore you as you are ignoring her.

Salt: Be someone else.
You are now Crab again. You feel your phone going off in your pocket, but you are too busy shooting nails into your bro's bat. This is happening in your front yard. You swear, if nobody comes over to stop this, you will actually lose hope in humanity.

Woman: Notice them.
You run off.

Crab: Sigh.
You silently lose hope in humanity. You take this moment to grab the games in the mailbox as Bro is shielding himself with his bat.
You open the mailbox and-- OH MY GOD, THERE'S A COCKROACH. On instinct, you grab your bro's bat and start beating the mailbox. He watches you in confusion. He does not know what the hell is wrong with you.
The mailbox is laying on the ground with many dents now. Good job, asshole. Still, you get the game, give Bro his bat back, and head inside ever so casually.

Bro: Question everything.
You question everything.
You know you are a douche to him.
But it seems you made him batshit crazy. You are fearful for what you have created inside. You won't show it outside, though. You are too badass to do that. You have burning pride, after all.

Bro: Be someone else.